Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Day 11..... Something is Definitely Brewing aka Going On With Me all Internal..

As of right this second, I had temporarily finished up my social media sites for the promotion and buzz with Master Artist Oscar Zepeda.  For some I feel sad, I don't know what it is, but, I know that something is definitely going on inside with me.  I just want to be alone.  Peace and Quiet with just me and the Divine.  I took about almost 2 feel weeks off from working out and I definitely feel it.  Haven't been writing my 3 Morning Pages, and I know better not to beat myself up about the not writing and not working out, since this is Day 11 of my Metamorphosis.  I'm at the college, and I truly don't know what I should do !!  I wanted to finish up my book this month... I don't know exactly what I should do, work out, be alone, or just watch the birds fly.  I just feel like going somewhere far far away, just to get away and start a new life !!  Just to shed off everything, and to start brand new !!!!  Fresh Start !!!  Start Over !!!  Control Alt Delete !!!!  I truly don't know what to do or where to go !!  I just want to go far away, just me and Infinite Divine.... I truly don't know what to do, 11th day of May and I have zero $$, I have about 20 days to live with out any money.  what should I do ?  I am at the college and right beside the college there is an apt complex where I stay just for the night, I'm thinking of going to Hollywood ??  NY ??  Chile ???  Canada ???   I absolutely don't know ,but, I do know that I must go far away and to be alone for my cocoon... MN ??  I truly don't kow, Since I have a membership with Bally Total Fitness until March 2012, I'll be going to a place where they have a Bally Total Fitness Center, where I can shave, shower, etc... and to work out and to transform my body, mind and soul... 

It's not about not having any money that's making me sad or wanting to be alone, I know it's coming very very quickly, for the total cocoon to be shut closed from everything, I have 20 days till June.  I feel that is what is happening.  That I need to shut everything out while I enter my cocoon.  I'm getting huge amounts thoughts and feelings of just to go !!!  Go, Go, Go !!!   gas is on the last marker, so the red low gas warning light is going and off now..  I don't feel like going to Morton Grove or to anywhere else right now... I just want to just be by myself right now... I know that there is soooo something humongous that is going on with me right now.  I know that every cell in my entire being is telling me to go, go, go, all is well.  It is a unique and unmistakeable feeling.  I just don't want to be around anyone nor talk with anyone, nor try to put on a "Happy Face" and to pretend that I feel happy and joyous..  Even though deep down I know that I am a very happy and joyous being, it's just that right this moment, this immediate second, I just want to be alone.  I look outside and I know there's something calling me, calling me to go to, I don't know if I should stick around here (Glen Ellyn) until June 1st, where I'll get an electronic deposit from the gov. $240, and just fill up the tank and just go, go somewhere, go north ?? MN ??  Canada ??  CO, Sedona ??  I truly do not know where to...  I know I've been always wanting to go to Yellowstone, Yosemite, Mt. Shasta ??  Northern West Coast ??  just to be in my cocoon with the Divine... and I truly believe and know that is what is going on with me right now.  Going into my silence with Infinite Divine... totally inclosed without anyone or anything.  That is what I'm feeling that Infinite Divine is guiding me and leading me towards. 

I think I might do my 3 "Morning Pages" right here !!!  on this post !!!  I do love my incredible and amazing life, and I know that me putting myself on about 20-25 social media sites was instructed.  I spent about 2 days, setting up all these accounts uploading pics and copying and pasting my info for hours and hours.  Now, once I have done that, I feel like I planted seeds and to let the Universe take care of the rest.  I've seen a movie called, "Faith like potatoes", it was at a video dvd rental place, looked very interesting.  Movie was based on  a true story, basically the main person, planted potatoes where the soil and land and country was not conducive for potatoes.  Family, friends, and well educated farmers told him that you're going to lose all of your work and effort to plant those potatoes.  But the farmer didn't listen to any of them, he listened to what Infinite Divine was saying and also that he had blind faith !!  That you cannot "Check" and see if the potatoes are growing or to see if there is any potatoes at all..  You can only check on them when it's time to harvest and that you have "Faith" that you'll grow some potatoes... That's how I sort of felt with all of those social media sites... I was quite surprised on how many websites I'm on now, after I google Oscar Zepeda Artist.  And now the day after, I feel that I just want to be alone.  Alone with Infinite Divine... I don't feel like working out, I don't feel like doing anything, it's a wild feeling that I'm not used to at all.  I think I feel like what Sam Worthington felt like when he wanted to Control/Alt/Delete himself and to sell everything he had to just go, go travel, go see the world, go transform himself, go and be one with Infinite, that's is exactly how I feel write now... I just want to go !!!  I already got rid of all of my big things from my loft in the city,  already there with living out of a car !!!  So, I have nothing holding me back here, everything is ready for me to go, go where ??   I have no idea, all I know is that I must go, go, go, .....So, what I'm feeling right this second is to just go, as soon as I can fill up the gas tank !!!  ;o)  which most likely be June 1st...

The rest of this month, I feel that I should be in the area, to do my writing, writing and some more writing from morning to night, and just write it out until it's time to go.  And Go I shall, to where exactly I have idea, probably until I use up about $140 in gas, to see how far I can go, with $140 and the rest will be on tuna !!!!   and maybe some fishing supplies !!!  So I can learn how to fish to eat !!!  I love fish !!!  I can eat fish almost raw !!  well, not quite, but, you know what I mean.... Well, this is just a thought, since I'm over in Chgoland, I'm thinking of going north, to experience the Dakota's, Wyoming, Yellowston and other National Parks and Forests... it's time,  I've been wanting to go for a long while now, and now it's time to go... See, writing does help out, well, from the book "the Artist's Way", that's where Infinite Divine comes in to help out and to guide and lead you.  Thus, the 3 pages of writing "Every Morning", if you're reading this and you don't know about "the Artist's Way", I do have another blog, just for me and my growth with the 12 week course, just click to my "Profile" where it shows all the blogs I have.  This is the main one that I'm going through right now.  My metamorphosis, my transformation, Wow !!!  I do feel better writing !!!  I haven't written any Morning Pages in like a week... So, that's the deal right now, I'm Entering the Cocoon !!!!  20 days till the Enclosing of my Cocoon... what I mean by that is, to go !!!  with me and Infinite Divine !!!  To see the places I've always wanted to see !!!  38 yrs old, haven't been to Yellowstone !!!  Hey, it's all good, it's All in perfect Divine timing, because I'll be seeing it through Divine Eyes !!!  Infinite Divine Eyes !!!  not only sight but, the soul and spirit of Infinite Divine... Wow!!  and if I run out of $$ along the way ???  Now I know why my previous experience with Infinite Divine's practical application exercises was for !!!  I know that I'll be well taken care of, regardless of the situation or circumstance. Like zero $ and zero gas... just me and Infinite Divine...// looks like it's about to rain big time !!  going to go and shut the windows.. brb 5:23pm// back now 5:38pm was outside for a lil bit, just appreciating the wind and the small white flower peddles flying like snow... at that moment, I pictured myself at Yellowstone just appreciating the immense power and beauty... today was a warm day, my 1st day of wearing shorts !!  and the ladies in their high skirts !!  oooo laaa laaa !!!  I know that right now, I'm supposed to be with me and Infinite Divine... relationship ??!!  Now ??  Haaa, yeaa right !!!  well, anything is possible but, I definitely feel that now is definitely not the time... I love my life... I truly do, and I know that I'm going through a lot of internal transformation... I feel very emotional at some times, but, I do know that Infinite Divine is paving the way for me, and that everything has been already taken care of..  That is what I can bank on and trust.  That Infinite Divine will forever take great care of me, may not be a luxury hotel like the Ritz or a fine dining experience like Ralph Lauren restaurant in Chicago... Ralph Lauren Polo restaurant is very nice and I definitely loved the ambiance and decor of it...

Well, welcome to my 3 Morning Pages !!!  This is how I usually write in my Morning Pages, just write whatever is coming through, what I feel, what's going on... just 1000% real truth... just me and Infinite Divine... I'm writing this for me, not to be a famous blog writer, just to capture my immediate experiences and what's actually is happening and with what I'm going through in real time... Captured through an internet blog !!!  What I realized about this whole internet deal, in the beginning I was very opposed of putting myself online.  Whether it be on Myspace or on POF !!!  and then I realized that this whole internet communication and with Facebook it's all about connecting with other people !!  Having sort of like a real live mass consciousness with each other.  Then, I just went ballistic with the social media sites, I want to broadcast to the whole Universe !!! what I'm doing and what I have to give to the world.  While I was outside, thinking about Yellowstone, I had an Infinite Divine idea that came to me, if I did go on June 1st 2011, what about my 12-13 blank canvasses that I have in my outdoor "hiding spot", bam, I have stretched all 13 or so canvasses unto the stretcher bars already, then I got the instruction, take the canvasses out from the wooden bars, so I can take them along with me.... See just like that !!!  the problem and the solution came at the same time...  I'm only going to bring what I absolutely need, van is somewhat packed, mostly clothes and misc.  so I know it's time to shed off some more misc... most likely to my hiding spot... //

I don't think I ever written my Morning Pages online before, so if you are reading this, consider yourself very very very special.  I'm not expecting anyone to actually read this, even though this site is on my Facebook with about 4 other websites !!  so, it's accessible, but only to the special ones who really wants to know more and find out everything about me !!!  All good...  See, I have nothing to hide, this is life, pure life, and I know that Infinite Divine is definitely rearranging everything !!!  like this whole Metamorphosis and the schedule that I made up and designed, I have yet to go as "scheduled" !!!  I just have the intention and Infinite Divine does the rest... and I know now that what I feel is guidance and instructions from Infinite Divine.  See, just by writing, I write what I would like to have, want and to experience its letting the Universe know what's happening with everything, the good, the not so good, growth, expansion and evolving.  And from "the Artist's Way", the "Artist Dates" is the opening the doors of manifestations.  My first "Artist Date" definitely had a huge affect with me... that no one has ever fought for me to go and enjoy a personal date... My 1st Artist Date was at a Wilderness Center in Glen Ellyn, and I literally fought back and forth with my "Censor", you have to read the book to understand fully what I'm talking about with the "Censor"...  it was a full blown boxing match !!!  with some serious hits !!!  I wrote on my other "the Artist's Way " blog... that no one has ever looked out for me like that, and I started to shed some immense emotion and tears.. just writing about it and thinking about it again, is taking me back there again... Wow !!  the Artist's Dates is a life transformational experience... and I think I might have an "Artist's Vacation"... for a long period of time!!!  that would be sooo Amazing !!!  and this is what I'll do... when June 1st comes... just writing about it is making me feel sooo much better... just to be alone on my Artist's Vacation, just me, my Divine Artist and Infinite Divine !!!

See !!!  thank you !!!  I feel sooo much better now, I'm thinking of using the rest of this month to write my book/s, I want to write 2 books... I have the perfect time, place, situation and circumstance !!!  to spend some massive hours writing the book/s.. until my departure date June 1st 2011... See how this works !!  you just write whatever is happening, how you feel, what's truthfully been going on... and you get ideas, thoughts, which then leads to instructions, plans, and actions...  and then BAM !!!  Sooner than you know it, you're on the road !!!  using your internal compass and not everyone else's compass...  I feel sooo much better now, knowing that I'll be going on an Artist's Vacation coming June 1st and today is May 11, 2011.. the 11th Day of my Metamorphosis !!!  Seems like it's been a very very long time !!!  and it's only the 11th Day !!!  I feel much much better now... Haaa, in fact right before I go on my Artist's Vacation, I'm going to have my hair "did" !!!  well, about a month or two ago, I had my hair done, I wanted a blue stripe along the side of my "Fro-hawk"... well, it looked barely noticeable, with my curls and dark brown hair, so this time I want to get a platinum blond strip along where the original blue stripe was... So, to signify my Metamorphosis Time inside the cocoon with Infinite Divine !!!  Yeahhh, and then rock n roll to where I need to go !!!  Yes, I have made up my mind !!!  it's a done deal !!!  As soon as June 1st comes, get my platinum blond stripe !!!  and roll out on my Artist's Vacation !!!  See, I already have 2 + months of experience already living life on the road and inside my van !!! wow !!!  March 2011 I started to be on my own own !!!  Van Own !!  it's crazy that when i found out that Sam Worthington lived out of his Toyota Camry !!!  made me realize that I'm living in a Mansion !!!!  Caravan !!!!  I'm sooo glad I'm able to stretch my legs all the way out !!!! oh my !!! That's worth the world to me !!!  small stuff that really makes you appreciate the small stuff... I look as if it was a mobile steel/metal tent with windows !!!  and I can see outside !!!  and be dry when it rains !!!  it is a mansion on wheels !!!  I'm ready to go on my Artist's Vacation !!!  I'm going to go where I've always wanted to go, see and experience... to harness the ultimate power and beauty of Infinite Divine... YES !!!!  who knows when I'll be back.. ??  All I know right now, is that I can leave right this second !!!!  I do want to drive more than 30 miles though !!!  able to go to another state ??  I don't know, I'm thinking MN there's a Bally's in Little Canada, MN !!  we'll see, sounds like an interesting city... and then work my way west... the northern route !!! I"ll probably go on the out of the way local roads that no one uses... that would be fun... just to explore, see new things and having the quality time to really cherish and appreciate every cell and atom of it... //  just went to get my Columbia jacket, oh yeah, clouds are getting ready !!  waiting to be unleashed !!!  Clouds are super dark right now... and you can smell the rain carried by the wind... // oh yeah, I wanted to get the Road Atlas !!  I'm going to get it real quick.. // back now, it started to down pour right before I got to the van, and I found it and I'm in the lounge at the college.  I'm going to take a look at the road atlas, real quick..// Wow !!!  I think I know where I'll be going to for the month, with only $243 coming on on June 1st, - $30 for my skunk racing stripe, rest will be gas and more gas... I'll probably get a case of tuna and that'll be it for the month !!! Until next time, hope you enjoyed an example of my "Morning Pages" here... it does help tremendously and I'm beginning to learn and grow with everything.. Thank you...Oz

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