HOLD ON HERE !!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhh !!!!! There we go..... Infinite Love and Gratitude, Oz

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 Right now it’s 11/21/15 Sat 2:29pm (mmp= My Magnificant Place) Naperville, IL

Title:  I’m Still Here

Wow !!!   after seeing that I had more than 42,000 humans stopped by to check out my blog I was shockingly surprised.  See, I did this blog for me and for others wanting to change and to metamorphosize each cell in their bodies.  So right now, I’m at home in Naperville, looking at the 1^st snow storm of 2015 or the 1^st snow storm of Fall 2015.  Wow !!!!  I don’t know where to start actually, quite a bit has happened.  So just an fyi, since I’m saving mad $$ on internet costs, I’m writing at home and will copy and paste to the blog the next time I’m at the public “Free” Library…. Yes, 2016 is the year that I’ll be paying off my debt, yes, I have some debt.  See, I must be absolutely honest and real.  I was not planning on paying off my student loans, see, I’m continuously learning and growing and finally realized that I must be 100% responsible for my actions past, present and future.  The sad thing is that I truly didn’t “Need” the student loans, I had the MGIBill and the IL Veterans Grant aaaand a full scholarship to get a BA at a private University !!!!    I was well “Hooked Up” because of my veteran status and being a war veteran, my thinking was dang, no one had ever “loaned” me any type of “real” money, real money anything over $5,000  haaaa…. I think I know why !!!   yeah, I wasn’t planning on paying it back…. I don’t know what was up with my mind, with that kind of thinking, I think it was that I could use that money to start my art business.  But, when the money came, “Dave Ramsey” was absolutely, if the money doesn’t have a name / a purpose ???  it disappears.   Looking back, I couldn’t tell you what I had spent all the thousands of dollars on.  Nickel and Diming =  buying shit that you don’t need on a consistent basis and then finally trying to figure out what happened to the money.  That nickel and diming is going out, movies, drinking, clothes, shoes, going on a mini shopping spree thinking your Rich Bitch !!!!  So now, I’m finally taking responsibility and paying off all of my debt and to take into account every cent I spend.  Oh, if you don’t know who or what Dave Ramsey is all about ????    Google Him !!!!  NOW !!!!!   I would summarize him as a Financial Drill Instructor that Will NOT Sugar Coat shit for you and to tell you what you Need to Hear for your own good, even though it’s going to suck.  Especially, if you’ve been a bit careless to your finances like the majority of U.S. Americans.  Everyone is in Debt. !!!  it’s cool to have a car payment and to treat yourself without any financial planning for your future and retirement.  YES, I believe I’m growing up, very slowly !!! But, eventually I do learn.  I’ll be 43 in 4 Days !!!!  DANG ! !!!!  Haaa…. 43 will be my 23 !!!!!!   I’m only about give or take 20 years behind ! !!  Heyy, first of all it’s never too late, 2^nd the sooner you learn and realize that you’re not going to be 33 forever and that decades of life are a snap of finger you begin to realize that you’re not going to live forever and that yes, they are ages of 60’s, 70’s, 80’s and 90’s !!!  and how the hell are you going to take care of yourself then ???  The shit you do in your 20’s, 30’s and 40’s will be apparent on how you live in your 60’s, 70’s & 80’s, whether I see myself as a Walmart as a greeter.  Not saying that job is “too low” for me, but, I would rather be in Mexico or in Chile traveling the world not, worrying about $$ and whether or not Social Security will be able to take care of me…  Whooaaa…. Where did all this “Grown Up” talk is come from ???   Time and Experience….  There is a saying that I say quite a bit, “ We All Have Different Journeys in Life and Different Learning / Growing Curves, some are a bit more curvaceous than the others (like me) in the end We All Learn, Eventually.  So, now and this coming year will be a year of taking back my power, being 100% responsible for my past, present & future, pay off all my debt, live within my means, get a fuckin job already !!!!  Haaa, I haven’t had a “Real Job” since ???   Mmmmmmm….. I’m mean like 8hrs-40 hrs a week etc…. whoa, too dag gone long… hey, this Is Not a Beat Myself Up Session, I coulda, woulda, shoulda…. Ok, Knowing Is Half the Battle !!!!  So, the current situation is that I have 2 classes left for me to get my BA = Bachelors !!!!  I’m done telling this story, for the sake of you if you haven’t heard the story he it goes, note:  This is the last time I tell it….  Ok, in 2008 I had received a full-ride scholarship for me to get my BA from Benedictine University a “Private / Catholic Big Money” University and for two years I sweated and bled passing each class, I was even on the “Dean’s List” for the whole two years.  Then the last class came and went and it was time to fill out the “Degree Audit”.  I felt that this “Degree Audit” was another last opportunity to “rape” the student.  Yeah, even though I received a full-ride scholarship I didn’t see it at that time and only saw was the beyond overpriced $200-300 books and the $125 Degree Audit Fee for me to get the BA  !!!!!!   and to be a part of the Graduation Ceremony and at the same time I couldn’t afford it.  So, I purposely refused to pay the degree audit, which looking back, I couldn’t asked mom for a loan to cover the Degree Audit, but, it was like flexing my power.  NOPE# !!!!!!!  Not going to pay for a 1 nano-second pressing on the Enter Key on the computer for $125 as a last laugh of raping me.  That was my thinking at that time.  So, 5 yrs past, being homeless, living out of my van and car, then a PT job and roommate, then back to homelessness again.  Continuing to hold on to the “Degree Audit Rape” and then you know what, Let’s Get the Fuckin BA Already !!!!   So I can try to get a “Real Job” and not have to deal with barely survival strategies in IL… I’m done….  So, by the time I went to back to Benedictine University, I was ready to pay the $125 Degree Audit Fee and to get this over and done with.  I took about almost a year for me to accept and realize that since those 5 years, my mind was saying “Technically” I graduated, where I passed all of the required classes for me to receive the BA, but, in reality, I didn’t Technically, I didn’t want to pay the “Bogus” Degree Audit Fee (in my mind at that time).  So, almost a year of trying to get “Grand Fathered In” to get the BA… I should’ve graduated in 2010 and now it’s 2015, during that time the requirements had changed, so in order for me to get the BA now I had to take 3 extra classes at Benedictine University.  This time I said, just do what you have to do, Play the Fuckin Game, Pay the Fuckin Degree Audit, and get that Degree !!!!!    I had completed 1 of 3 of those classes !!!!!!   so I have 2 more to go, it’s Online and it’s one class at a time, and condensed, 5-6 weeks.  So, Feb. 28^th will be the last day of the 3^rd class and yes, I will pay the MO-Fo Degree Audit Fee !!!!   5 yrs, 3 classes, $500 in books and $2400 tuition out of my own pocket !! later,  the $125 Degree Audit Sounds Like Heaven Now !!!   

Amazing How the Universe / God Will Force You to Learn and Grow and to be Grateful.  See, at that time all I was looking at was the $200-$300 books that I had to pay and the Degree Audit Fee in order for me to graduate $125, not the $20,000 per year full-ride scholarship !!!  how fucked up is that ????   Wow !!!  Looking back !!! WTF ???   Mind Moment !!!!   I was crying over chump change and not being grateful and appreciating the 2 yr full-ride scholarship which totals to : $40,000  !!!!   So, the ETA of the Receiving of the BA is March 2016 and if I’m in the area, I will do the Graduation Ceremony in May 2016.  Ahhhhhhhhh….. Some Story Hunh ???   Some Learning Curve I have huh ???  you know what though, I learned…. Looking back, I had tremendous amount of opportunities but, I wasn’t fully ready….  And was worried about two things, getting rich and me.  Now, that time is creeping up and years have gone by in a flash, and realizing that I’m going in circles and in cycles, I’m back where I was 10-15 years ago realizations !! 

Still there ????  this is pretty cool, I have been wanting to write in my blog, but, honestly it’s not the same as writing and when you’re done, POOF !!!  it’s ONLINE !!!  where this way, is Write, Wait a couple days – copy and paste and then POOF !!!  not as dramatic… but, I guess it’s better than nothing…. But, I still I love to write !!!  if  you like my excessive exclamation points !!!!!   all good in a hood baby !!!   Looks like the Snow Storm as officially passed on to Indiana and Michigan.  Right now I have a few weeks break till the next class, Dec 7^th 2015 I start and will be ending at Jan 15^th and then the last class !!!!   ohhh boy !!! I can’t wait ! !!!   ending Feb 28^th 2015….

Then the Real Journey Starts !!!  Taking 100% Responsibility for my Past, Present and Future.  It’s been a long time coming. 

1^st Priority is Pay off Debts. 2^nd Priority Body Temple, 3^rd. Preparing for the Future.  Well, ALL of them are 1^st Priorities !!!!   and will be doing them at the same time, not one a time.  Right now, this is all I know.

Now 11/21/15 Sat. 4:07pm.  Naperville, IL  continue with fitness and lifestyle regime, be on 100% Financial Lockdown (only pay for rent for home and food for body, books for the next two classes) rest, I have everything I need right now.  Get the next classes book, register and pay for the 2^nd class, PASS the Class, continued to the 3^rd and final class.  March 1^st 2016 will “officially and technically” completed all the BA requirements and paid the infamous Degree Audit Fee !!!!  Now, this is where life will be somewhat a question mark.  Ok, I have my BA now !!!  what to do now !???   Shit this is where, I don’t know exactly what to do ??  should I do this, should I do that ???  get the Gov Job ???   get the $$ Now Job ???  both ???   moving to a National Park ???   if I go the National Parks and Services Gov Job ??  get the job, pay off debt. And save for retirement ???   or get the $$  Now Job at Menards or at Home Depot to pay off debt. And then ??  travel the world, travel the Transformational Festivals, working out, Migrating to warmer weather places ???   CA, TX ??   getting into Acting and Comedy ???  FUCK ~!!!!  I don’t know what to do !!!???????    1^st things first !!!!   #1:  PAY OFF DEBT !!!!!    after the BA in March 2016, get a $$ Now Job at Menards, keep the apartment, and pay off debt…. While continuing to work out Body Temple !!!!  ok, I really need to eat, now….. I must take care of my Body Temple !!!!   BRB….  Ok, got some steak on the George Foreman Grill !!!!!   ok, where was I ??  this is right I know now ?? 

March 1^st 2016 = Get a $$ Now Job at Menards Full-Time or a nearby “Real Job”.

March 2016 – Debt Free.

Ok, this is what I have as far as debt.  Starting from least to greatest.

·         $350 = Peoples Gas (Get Free Credit Check ASAP !!! NOW ! !!!  )  I had No Clue that I had this on my Credit Report !!!!    

·         $700 State of IL Overpayment of Unemployment

·         $28,000 Student Loan,

To my knowledge this is what my total debt is.

11/22/15 Sun. 2:27pm  MMP Naperville, IL

Ok, we’re going to do something a bit different here.  I usually do Morning Pages, which is basically writing 3 full pages of whatever.  Whatever is on my mind, the concerns, problems, highs, lows, planning, strategy, personal issues, etc….kind of like a “Journal”…. Oh yeahhh… going to get some nitty gritty details. 

Just got off the phone with ma..  she got a bookcase and she wanted me to help to go and help set it up…. Yeah, for Zumba tonight, not feelin it…. It starts in an hour, I kinda woke up about 1 ½ hr ago !!!  also for tomorrow mon, I want to get the 2^nd of 3^rd classes book, preferably a Rental by Amazon… yeah, for the Macroeconomics class, new at the University bookstore was $230, Amazon around $200 and the Amazon Rental for 2 months $45….  Yeah, I was like Ummmmm… rental is perfect…. Especially since the classes are condensed 5-6 week.  Late last night I was listening to NPR and their different “Radio Shows” and Audio Documentaries…. There was a guy who did the “EL Camino”  (Pilgrimage Trek in Spain and Italy) and now there is a lesser known pilgrimage trek in Brazil, a much tougher pilgrimage… I was like ummmmm…. ???   Man, that would be pretty cool…. If I could go to all of the “Transformational Festivals”  and do all of the “Pilgramages” Spain, Brazil, India, … I just had an idea about a few days ago, after I found out that another person is seeking others to go all of the “Music Festivals” kind of like a “Caravan” and Tribe, go and travel to the next Festival all year !!!!  Go with the Music… Then, I thought why not do the same thing for the “Transformational/Spiritual Festivals”  there’s about 24 of them now and I was thinking during the off days or months go to Texas, work out at the Flex gym and go to see my main man T.D. Bishop Jakes at the Potters House !!!!   and also go to Flex gym in Long Beach, CA and go see my main man Rev. Michael Bernard Beckwith at Agape Church in Culver City, CA… Kind of like a national tour of Transformation and Spiritual Growth all year !!!!   That would be Sooooo Amazing !!!!!   maybe take some classes and do some workshops….. Mmmmmm… just makin me think… ya know ???   also during the off days ??? shit, there’s 24 of em, I don’t think they will be any off months… off months meaning winter breaks, at least a month…. See, all this is coming in…. Mmmmm….. making me think, see, if I take a 8-5pm Mon-Fri job, there would no way I would be able to do this…. Traveling to all of the Transformational & Spiritual Festivals… I want to go to Mega-Fest with da Bishop !!!  and to the Pastor Leadership Conference (something like that with T.D. Jakes) I don’t know what it is, I love the YELLING, SWEATING, SPEAKING IN TONGUES, PRAISING, WORSHIPING, SINGING AND DANCING !!!!!!!  I NEED MORE !!!!!!    than what I’ve been getting…. On that note, Bodhi Spiritual Center is going through some evolving.  Last year Rev. Mark Anthony Lord founder and creator of Bodhi Spiritual Center, said it was time to create bigger and better things and moved to LA !!!!   I just had a thought ???  Since, I’ve been getting responsible from my past and decided to pay my debts.  I’ve been on lock down with the $$$  and to make sure I take care of the priorities 1^st like the last 2 classes to get the BA and the Degree Audit + Fee, I thought shit, Why not create a church yourself ???   to put my tithes (10%) into that and do some preaching at a podium at the library or the Metra Station !!!   and have it recorded…  MMmmm….  Where I can do some Yellin, Sweatin, Speakin in Tongues type of preachin !!!!    Mmmmm….. I want to create a special unique church, kind of like having all of the religions in the world into one…. Kinda Sorta ???   for example, a lil bit T.D. Jakes Charsmatic Christian, Michael Bernard Beckwith with Centers for Spiritual Living, the Shakers from the 1700-1800’s where part of their religion was to shake or vibrate the Holy Spirit / God in… and the Turkish tall hats and white skirts that go in circles… I don’t know the exact name of that specific religion but you know what I mean, where they turn in circles with their heads slanted, they say they go into a spiritual trance.  Kapeesh ???   I want to create a much “Hard Core” Spiritual Experience…  kind of like the Spartans of Spirituality…. Speakin in Tongues, Yelling, Chanting, Moving, Shaking, Dancing the whole shabang !!!   and also implement some type of physical body temple type element, ….   I want everyone be masters of their Body, Mind, Spirit….. to be an example of what we could be….. be in the best shape, having tremendous amount of energy, living a healthy lifestyle….  Where we not only master our Body Temples, our Minds and Spirit with the Universe !!!!    YESSSS !!!!!    Where we go to all of the Transformational / Spiritual Festivals, Holy Ghost Filled Churches and Events….. Wow !!!  it’s all coming in right now…. Just what I want !!!!   to travel the world sharing my experience and to create a Special Spiritual Forces… where a handful of us, will go to all of the Transformational / Spiritual Festivals, work out like no other, go to churches (Potters House) and (Agape)….. etc.. and to be absolutely 100% example of what the human body temple can be.  Also, going to Yoga Festivals and Events and to some DJing… like my main man Taz !!!!   He literally has blown up traveling the world DJing at Yoga Festivals and Events !!!   No Joke !!!  look him up, “DJ Taz”  and “Club Divine”…  He wanted me to work for him in the past… we still stay in contact… I would love to continue his creation while he pursues other opportunities !!!!   YEAH HHH!!!!    Host some Spiritual Dance Parties !!!!   better yet, be a DJ at most or all of the Transformation / Spiritual Festivals… mmmmmm……  I just want a handful, like 5 “Divine Warriors of the Universe” that’s a Hard Corps Spiritual Tribe…. Mmmmmmm….. got me thinking… looks the DWU’s…… is coming back, no not Driving Under the Influence of Alcohol… Divine Warriors of the Universe…. Most Hard Core Spiritual Tribe… mmmm… got me thinking…. 1^st priority this year is take care of my debt… 1^st and Foremost…. So that means after the BA degree, get a $$ Now Job that is close by, where I don’t need a car and then bam…. At the same time while I’m working at a $$ Now Job, Continue to Work Out…., tithe to my newly evolving church, I don’t know what it is but, I NEED MORE !!!!!   and I know others must need more too !!!!!   Holy Moly !!! this is super cool…. Wow !!!  ok, I must be the example 1^st !!!!   and then let others be attracted to me and my organization, DWU..  I don’t know if I should tell you here or let you find out on your own, but, the DWU Tribe will be going to Special Spiritual Schools that will be able to connect and tap into ones mind.  NOT LYING !!!!  NO JOKE !!!!!!   Some Super-Natural type shit !!!  no shit !!!!   You’re Heard the Saying, Us Humans Are Only Using 2% of our Brains and Mind… well these special schools assists with the other 98% !!!!   Whoa …..  We Are Evolving, Each Cell is Transforming Into What We Want to Become and to what is our Natural State….  We’ve been sooo Distracted with Absolute and Pure Bullshit and that is all we know….  What are you spending your time on ???   What are seeing, hearing, watching, listening, doing ???   it’s going straight into your powerful mind.  Ok, I’m not here to preach…. I need to remind myself that….  Last year, well more than a year ago… I got a top of the line HD Flat Screen TV 42”, with a speaker bar in front and a bass boom box in back and a CD/DVD HD player… oh yeah, I went all out on this….. the following year I wouldn’t want to happen to my worst enemy….. basically in a nutshell… that HD TV, had a choke hold on me…. I Am NOT Exaggerating here, I would eventually check out 25-30 DVD’s every week from the library and spend the whole week trying to watch All of them !!!!   if I had time, I would watch the special features if it had any !!!!   the only time I would go outside was to return the DVD’s to the library and get another 30 DVD’s….  Bottom Line I gained about 150 lbs !!!!   just watching other peoples lives on the HD TV !!!!!!   I was thee definition of sedentary  !!!!   I knew I had to get rid of the HD TV, but, the how made me keep it….  I thought after my Seattle and East Glacier National Park would snap me out of it, NOPE ….. back at what I was doing before….. 25-30 DVD’s per week ! !!!   it wasn’t till October 3^rd that I finally got rid of the HD Flat Screen TV !!!!!  it wasn’t worth it !!!!!   It was killing me, see, when you’re by yourself, you don’t have anyone telling you to do anything… it was just me…. And that HD TV had a choke hold of addiction… Not only I would watch 25-30 DVD’s per week, but, I would splurge, with pizza’s, extra bricks of cheese, gallons of ice creams the real deal, Nutty Bars and all of the Lil Debbie Co. treats and snacks, Family Pak of Honey Buns 2 of them ! !!!!   I went all out…. I would buy extra rolls of sausage and links so I could put it on the pizza… my version of a frozen pizza, not only that, I would order out, pizzas, chicken wings, calzone’s…. garlic cheese bread, and about 5-7 2 liters of the “Real Stuff” Coke, Cherry Coke and Mountain Dew PER Fuckin Week !!!!!   I was outa control !!!!   I didn’t want to see anyone, I didn’t even want to go outside, it would take 5 min just to put on a sock on my foot… because I couldn’t reach it, my belly  has grown soo much, the same for putting on my shoes… I would be literally out of breath just for putting a sock, and putting on my Under Armour…. I would only wear sweats…. I didn’t wear real pants, and all of the shirts are super tight and would end at the top of my belly button…..  I ended up at 394 lbs !!!!!!!!!!     three hundred and ninety four pounds 1!!!!!!!!   Can you believe that ???   almost 400 lbs !!!!!!!    The following month and half after I got rid of the HD TV and started gradually working out the YMCA and with a Personal Trainer, I was down to 359 lbs !!!!!   just by getting rid of the HD TV and being active 2 X’s a week with a Zumba class here in there, I was down to   359 lbs   !!!!    Yeah, the HD TV Flat Screen Addiction Choke Hold Was KILLING Me Slowly !!!!!!!   right now, I do not know how much I weigh…. Well, the scale at the Signature Gym, let’s say  I “Tilt” the scale… every time I get on it, it goes ERROR !!!!  I know I weigh too much for the scale….. so even though there are signs that I’m losing !!!   Under Armour is easier to put on, socks and shoes a lot easier to put on and I’m not super out of breath, I’m going to Zumba classes…..  and starting a Transformation Fitness Program…..  I am curious on how much I weigh….. hopefully mom’s scale will work for me….  We’ll be hangin out for Thanksgiving…. We both agreed that the days of “Gorging” on Thanksgiving Day is Over !!!!!   Not Worth It !!!!   Not Healthy At All !!!!   I told mom, let’s just get some steaks and jumbo shrimp !!!!!    I love shrimp !!!!    and maybe some lobster tails ???    I remember in the past that was Thanksgiving was all about, was to “Gorge” yourself, take a break, then eat some more pumpkin pie and ice cream… NOPE !!!   No more Gorgin !!!!   Wow !!!  I’ve been writing for a while now… it’s night time !!!!  see, I love to write aka type !!!!!   I just keep on goin and goin……  I must eat something now…… much love, brb…..

Cont. 11/22/15 10:33pm

Ok… took a couple hour brb…..  Since I don’t have that HD TV now, I was thinking ???  Hmmmm… maybe I can write some night time before bed time words…..  I was looking through a magazine called “Backpacker” earlier this year… and some of my bodybuilding mag called “Flex”…. Tomorrow is Monday, mom is going to pick me up and take care of the bookshelf she ordered from Pier 1…. We both know now that Pier 1 products is mainly for show… Wouldn’t dare to sit on their bamboo chairs and their table is so weak, but to put a light weight small hd tv flat screen and dvd player and some cd’s is perfect…  afterwards do a few errands… return my Rented Macroeconomics book, this by far is the perfect choice… by Amazon, also to get my next classes book, of course it’ll be rental… if available…. Cross my fingers… all good though… this will be the 2^nd of 3 classes… and it starts Dec 7^th to Jan 14^th and then the last class… ok, enough with the classes here hunh…. Let’s talk about life !!!!  Well, a few months ago, I was FB “Creepin” with one of my exes…. Creepin is a term that I found out I don’t know how, it’s when you’re friends on FB, but you go through their pics and “Wall” to see what they’ve been upto ???  I know WE ALL DO IT !!!!!!    Admit it ! !!!  but, yet to say hi or leave a comment for you..  Anyways, I don’t know where this is going, but, I found out some very sad and tragic news, her son was killed.  At first I thought it was a sick joke, but, upon further research it was true… I spent a few months over there and we actually hung out played football, catch and skateboard in the skate park… Right after I found out, I wanted to wait for a good time to say hi and to say my condolences but, she told me in like 2 days after I found out… wow !!!  How did she know that I was giving thought of her and her son ???   He was serving in the Army, but was killed in the states from a motorcycle accident.  Still regardless on how someone dies, it’s sad and it sucks !!!  Especially if you knew the person and had spent some time with him/her.  Man I didn’t know I was going to go here… I’m just thinking that life is precious and it is a gift… should you do what you want to do or do what you should do ????  Mmmmm…..  See, after the BA, I’m planning on getting a $$ Now Job or maybe a “Real Local” job where I can have my beard, or I was thinking of working at REI… ???   See retail is tricky, they want you to work the weekends and holidays !!!!   Hmmmmm…. Maybe this would be a good opportunity for me to get on board … Buuuut, getting there during the daytime wouldn’t be an issue, but after hours 6pm + and the weekends or maybe just Saturday day hours the bus only goes during that particular time and day…or I was thinking something closer to home like Menards, something that I can do that it’ll be beard friendly versus Red Lobster ! !!!   I used to be a server at Red Lobster back in the day…. I was one of the best…. As far as getting requested, but not having the tray filled with plates of food above my shoulder…. Nope, strictly biceps…..  Bottom Line is the I want to be debt free within the year of 2016, you know what ??  maybe it would be best if appeared to be Jewish so I could have the beard and work for a Fortune 500 Company while I pay off my debt…. Then there’s the company’s that is not bus friendly….  Where it’s about a couple miles from the bus stop and you would have to either walk or ride the bike into work !!!  yeah, that wouldn’t be a lil bit embarrassing…. Riding in the heavy rain and snow all soaking wet coming into work parking your bike at the nearest tree and lock it up and then go in for work….. Mmmmmm…. That doesn’t sound good…. We’ll see, I don’t know exactly which companies would be best… There are some near the train station and in Warrenville/Naperville… What to do ???   and now since I’ve gained all this extra weight I would have to get a custom new suit… I did go to the Goodwill and Saver’s…. NOPE…… not even close, I was pretty upset…. I was like, How am I supposed to get a job without a fuckin suit ?? now… nothing fits…. Then I go back to the Menards $$ Now Job or at Portillo’s… ???  where I can eat for free ???  and don’t have to wear a nice suit for the interview…. Ahhhhhhgghhh…. I don’t know what the fuck to do ???   should I just focus on getting in shape 1^st and then get a “Real Job” after the BA ???   Should I do this or that ???   Regardless, I don’t care, I will be working…. I think now would be the best time ???   where they need more workers for Christmas and the Black Friday Thanks Giving…. Or should I try to get the gov job ???  where I could use my Veterans Preference ??  Most likely, I’ll be working full-time either at Menards, Barnes n Noble Bookstore in downtown Naperville, hmmmm…. That sounds good, a Barnes and Noble Barista !!!!   a big ass bearded tatted up Barista !!!!   would you like the Columbian or Peruvian flavor ????   Granda, Vente ???   would you like to have a cookie crust muffin with that ????   there would be some lady intellectuals there !!!  that would be pretty cool…. Wipe off their tables for them…. Give them extra napkins…. Oh yeah, I know how to treat the ladies ! !!   at the same time, my instincts is telling don’t worry about it… just focus on getting the BA and then a local job….. this is what I want to have happen….. Honestly …… bottom line honest… I want a warehouse to create my big-bad ass paintings 8ft X 5ft around 25 paintings per month x $595 each painting =  $14,875    !!!!!!!  Per MONTH and this is only the low end,  X’s 12 = $178,500 per year !!!!!!   Dude !!  this is not a pyramid scheme !!  ….. I already did the figures….. fuck…. Ahhhh…..   just thinking about it just makes me cringe because I know it’ll work….. the entry level warehouse in the area is $1300 per month….. and that’s a lot too much for me right now…..  I need something like $500 per month would be the maximum amount that I could afford…  you know what ???  I saw a warehouse for $500 per month in the city of Chicago, relatively nice area… See, that’s the thing, I would have to move in there !!!  and just make it happen…. Build all the stretcher bars framework for the canvass and stretch the canvass on them, ready to painted on…. Plan is to build from scratch 25 ready to painted on 7ft x 5ft canvasses the 1^st week and the remainder of the 3 weeks, have a production line type painting method…. Where I start on a painting, set it to the side to let dry and then unto the next… like a circular rotation method until all the paintings are done….   The material costs would be $15 each painting….. thing is the most expensive material would be the canvass and the paints, well mostly the canvass… I have a 400 yrd roll of type of the line canvass in my Freakin Closet !!!  Collecting Dust !!!   it weighs about 200 lbs !!!!   shit, the more I’m writing about this the most I want to get that $500 warehouse !!!!   Shit, I would be working day and night working, building, creating those Amazing Paintings !!!   and to sell them for $595 each in the beginning is a freakin steal to the art community !!!  I hand build each canvass to last for freakin centuries !!!!   Floods and Earthquakes !!!  it will last my friend…. A painting like that in the art galleries would be in the range of $10,000 to $50,000 each…. Yeah, the 1^st generation at $595 each is like giving them away !!!!   and that’ll be $14, 875 for the 1^st month, and the plan is each month will be a generation, kind of like the iPhones !!!!   25 paintings per month is a generation…… and after each generation/month the price will rise $100, till 2 years…  = 24 months x 100 = $2400 + $595 =  $2995 each …. After that I’m going to cater to the Billionaires and Mega Millionaires at $750,000 per painting.  So, if you’re able get it if and while you can.  Let me know asap…. Before it’s too late !!!!  Damn, Now That’s a Fuckin Plan Hunh ????  shit in 2 years !!!!    I NEED THAT WAREHOUSE !!!!!!!!!!   NOW !!!!!!!!!!  I don’t need a real job, I need a warehouse !!!!   ok, let’s just say the $750,000 per painting to the Billionaires maybe a bit to lofty to soon??   $2995 per painting X 25 paintings per mo. =  $74,875  per month and per year ???   $74,875 x 12  = $ 898,500   !!!!!!   I sooo cannot believe my eyes ….. does that say eight-hundred ninety eight thousand ???  five-hundred dollars !!!!!    Hmmmmm…… I think I better call the person who’s in charge of that warehouse…. Only thing, would that… nope No Excuses Bitch !!!!  You saw that right ???  I was about to say an excuse of transportation and getting all of the materials there….. Nope….. God Gots It Covered !!!!  Whoa…. You read it here 1^st !!!!   See, I knew something big is about to erupt after I get the BA ….. I believe this is it……  Right this second I would be fuckin building and painting !!!!!  sleeping in a sleeping bag at the warehouse…. 25 paintings at $595 per painting = $14,875 per month !!!!!    THIS IS POSSIBLE, I KNOW I CAN DO THIS   !!!!!!   I’ve sold every painting I had created !!!!  pssst…. By the way……  is getting the BA worth it ????  Now ???   You know what ??  I will finish what I have started !!!  BA = March 2016, Hmmmmm…..maybe that job at the MCA would work out just perfectly !!!!!    once I’m settled into the warehouse in Chicago !!!!  and get a couple of suits that fit.  The job I’m talking about is at the Museum of Contemporary Art in downtown Chicago….. as a Art Helper Installer Assistant….. hmmmmm….. ok…. Let’s do this…. Hmmmm…. That means, I would have to get that warehouse….. or let God protect it until I’m ready to move in…..after I get the BA……damn, that’s too long !!!  I don’t want to wait that long till March… it’s November 22 now !!!!  3 days till my birthday…..Dec, Jan, Feb, March !!!!!  Ahhhhh  3 Whole Months !!!!   You know what ??  I can’t wait that long !!!!  I want to do this NOW !!!!!   or…… make the best of everything with what I have now….???   I can still paint and stretch canvasses on the existing painting…. About the noise, I’ll let my neighbor know that I’ll be hammering for a few hours…. Or do the hammering outside in the snow !!!!   and get some paints, scaffolding, get everything but the warehouse…..  ok…. I feel much better now, I can do quite a bit now….. with the exception of the warehouse !!!!   plus I have a new neighbor that has a truck, which I can pay him for a ride to Menards to get some materials !!!!   and a new month coming in…. December for which I’ll receive a bit of $$ Energy to keep me afloat, I still have to pay for the class at the University, plus the Personal Trainer payment plan fee and the Bodhi Class Payment Plan Fee…. After this year, I’m Done with the Payment Plan Fee’s !!!!!   NO Fucking More !!!!!!    it’s eating me alive !!!!   yes, let’s make the best with what I have available for now….. till March 2016 when I finish the last class to get my BA !!!!!   I got my BA BIATCH !!!!!   Ahhhhhhh….. now this is life ! !!   not knowing what the fuck is going to happen, hoping for the best, waiting till shit is done and over with, having faith that you can do this plan !!!!   Barely Breathing and having Big Ass Dreams….. and Goals…. See, with this plan, absolutely know that I can do this !!!!   25 (7ft x 5ft) paintings per month at $595 each !!!!!   Each painting will cost approx. $15 mostly paints…  ahhh, then I’ll be doing commercials and getting the word out if you want a real bad ass hand built Masterpiece….. I got you covered !!!!!

Whoa …… typing is good for you !!!   even though I’ll copy n paste unto my blog later…. Hmmm…. You know what ???  I’ll be hooking up with Amdur Productions, ART SHOWS !!!!  All in IL !!!   the price might be quite higher than the $595 per painting or maybe not, $995 sounds good….. there’s about at least 15 of them during the summer time ???  hunh….. then my connections with the MCA in Chicago !!!!  See, the kind of paintings I create is IN !!!!!  Big Time !!!   and I know what professionals and “Yuppies” want, Big, Bodacious, Bold and Bad Ass !!!!   they want to show off their art collection from their get togethers and social events, after hours etc…. Start your art collection with an Oscar Zepeda ! !!!!   I’m going to take pics, videos, have a marketing campaign to the middle, upper middle and elite class of the Chicago population.  Contact all of the media and invite them over for interviews, pictures and videos…..  and have about 50 7ft paintings all displayed everywhere in the warehouse….. that would be such an Amazing Sight !!!  contact Nat Geo Mag photographers !!!!   Now that’ll be something hunh ????   be on the cover of a Nat Geo Mag !!!!!   with all of my Exotic Artwork !!!!  oh snap…. That’ll be some Grand Opening !!!!   Having around 60-75 huge ass paintings on display and having all the media pay a visit to the art studio warehouse of Oscar Zepeda.  There we go, wow !!!  the plan just keeps on going…. Once I get the warehouse, work my ass off for 2-3 months to create around 75 paintings and then contacting the media, everyone !!!  NPR, WGN, Channel 7 and all of the Newspapers, Art Magazines, Art Publications….. have a “Grand Opening” like no other…..  Having Mega-Millionaires and Art Collectors and Curators, Critics, the Whole Shabang !!!!   the Whole Universe !!!!  will know about Oscar Zepeda !!!!   other successful and famous artists.  Holy Shit !!!  I soooo feel the feeling of having Sold Every Piece at $5,995 each !!!!!  at the Grand Opening !!!!   Daaaahhhhh, that’s almost a half a million dollars !!!!!   Shit, why not at $9,995 each ???  if Mega-Millionaires are going to be there checking out some life altering artwork.   Mmmmm….. $9,995 X 75 = $749,625   then an appearances on the TV Shows, Today Show, all of the mid-day talk shows and night shows with aahhhh Jimmy Kimmel…. !!!!!   Haaaa… Holy Shit !!!  Wow !!!   funny thing is… is that all of this is possible….. YESSS…….  I have to show the World/Universe what they’ve Never Seen nor Imagined Before !!!!  I am a conduit of thee Master Artist Creator God !!!  Whatever I create is from God.  You know what…. I don’t think I can sleep now…..  I’m in Shock and in Awe !!!!  75 paintings is possible at $9,995 each is very possible !!!  the price for a painting like mine is lowball $15,000 - $50,000 each…. Who knows ??  maybe I’ll get that far, but, shit, I can’t that greedy since I’ll be making almost $750,000   !!!  for 75 paintings !!!!  Whewwww….. now this is what I call some Dag Gone Motivated Morning Pages !!!!!    11 pages worth, all throughout the day today…. Now, let’s take care of my teeth and rebuild the body……. It’s 1:04 am now Nov 23, 2015   !!!!   2 days till my Birthday….. I so cannot what I’ve just written…. See, here I was didn’t know what the fuck to do after my BA, about either getting a $$ Now Job at Menard’s or a get a Real Local Job where I have to get some suits that fits me, or go to all of the Transformational / Spiritual Festivals ! !!!  you know what I’m thinking, do all the paintings during the winter time and then go to the festivals !!!  we’ll see, I know I must do this !!!  This is the only route that I can see for myself right now….  I want to keep my beard and get more tattoos…. Boom, a famous artist !!!!   there you go !!!!    and this is it…. Holy Spirit aka Universe / God was writing thru me to see what is possible…..  and to force me to get excited because it’s about to happen !!!!  Wow !!!!  talk about transformation, evolving in the best Divine Self in my entire life !!!!   Wow !!!   Thank You God !!!!  Thank You !!!!  Now, I’m feeling soooo Grateful and Thankful for Absolutely Everything, the lows, the broke’s, the barely breathing type of life,  God had just gave me a taste and a glimpse to what is about to happen…. When I blow up, it’ll be to the Heavens !!!!    Other planets and solar systems are going to know about me !!!!!   thank you…. Lord, You’ve always been there for me during All the times…. Thank You….. even though there have been countless of situations where I didn’t see an out, especially those times without money and gas…  where I was stranded with water and cans of tuna then miracles happen left and right…. And now…. Being in Naperville for almost 3 yrs trying to figure out what the fuck I should do.  Gaining 150 lbs…. All the highs and lows….. Thank You…… this time will be a whole different story from the rest of my stories in the past !!!!   You read it here first ……   I know for fact that this plan will happen, it already did, vibrationally and emotionally…. And I give all the credit and  praise to the Infinite Master Creator God…. Who created not only this planet, this solar system, this galaxy, but the whole Infinite Universe !!!!!   Thank You….. much love, your son, Oscar Zepeda….

Nov. 23, 2015  10:36am  Mon

Good Mornin !!!    yesss, my Morning Pages…. If you’re interested check out the “Artist’s Way”….  There is more than just typing 3 pages in the Morning.  You just might find the answers you’ve been looking for… Wow !!! I had a very good nights rest….. woke up knowing that I’ll be hangin out with ma… all good, she called going to be leaving in about 20 min…. or more…. So I knew I had to eat something now….. since I’ve been working out in all and wanting to take care of my muscles and muscle growth….  Ok, last night was pretty amazing !!!  So, what would be best right now is to 1^st get the BA !!!!   and get in shape, Ok ??? the job at the MCA, will be there and to continue to do my artwork….  And take some pics…. I’m sure the MCA Director would love to see what kind of artwork I create…. So, I’ll be creating a portfolio at the same time !!!   They  “HAVE” to hire me…. This is what I’m feelin and thinkin and brainstormin….. while I’m taking care of the BA till March 2016, get in shape, create artwork at home, take pics, of what I do and what I can do, I might have to buy some power tools.  (That’s what the job description is wanting of: Power Tool Experience….)    Vroooomm, Vroooom !!!!  goes the drill !!!  By the time March 2016 comes, I’ll be Ready…. You know what though…. Ugggg…. Wouldn’t be best if I apply now ???  or “Get the Job Now ??”   Hmmmmm….. you know what ???  the job was there before I even knew that I wanted that job…..and it will be there when you’re ready !!!!   Kapeesh !!!  that was my Divine Self answering me back…. Whoa…. That was cool…. See, when you type or write Morning Pages…. You connect with Higher Source…..aka God, what ever “Label” you want to place…. Infinite Divine…. Knows All… Knows Everyone, and You Have Infinite Favor… So no worries Ever !!!!   ok….. // Well, there you go, that’s the plan now…. The Warehouse will come, the suits will come, the new improved bad ass body temple is on its way.  Just do  those things…. Get the BA, do your artwork & create a portfolio and take pics of my work, with me and the power tools, with safety glasses… oh yeah, don’t want to show them that I’m not safety conscious !!!  SAFETY Baby !!!!  SAFETY !!!!  and get in shape… and prepare to move, get ready… get home ready…. Get rid of everything that I don’t absolutely need….  Going to check on some protein on the George Foreman Grill….. brb…ok… ma is coming and I want to put all of this on Da Blog !!!!  Infinite Love & Gratitude !!!  Oz

11/28/15  Sat 8:46pm  MMP, Naperville, IL

My birthday and Thanksgiving is Officially Over !!!!   yeah, I hung out with Ma ~!!!!   It was great… for my B-Day, we went to the city, Chicago !!  and walked from the Union Train Station to MCA (Museum of Contemporary Art Chicago) which is next to (kind of) the Water Tower…. It was a walk…. I did pretty good getting there… but, on the way back, especially after another 2-3 hours walking around the museum and after a very delicious meal (Deep Dish Pizza Meat) at Gino’s East !!!  Holy Moly !!!!  I had no clue that this place was a Chicago Must !!!   when I went upstairs to use the restroom, I was flabbergasted !!!!   Rows upon rows of celebrities pictures signed…. From 70’s and 80’s !!!   Wow !!!  and Whoa !!!!  I had no clue that this place was a Chicago Must GoTo and that I just missed the Mayor Rom Emanual….  I sooo wanted to create a video !!!  but, didn’t want to leave all alone at the table, so I was planning on making a “short video” after the deep dish meat pizza !!!   it was very good !!!   I did splurge on some Reg Sprite !!!!   a few glasses !!!!   I just wanted to swallow some super cold fizz, since I’ve been walking since 12:05pm since we got off the Metra train….. it took about an 1 and 15 min and a couple of hours in the museum and then afterwards the MCA store !!! they had some super cool stuff !!!   we didn’t buy anything of course  !!!   after the East Gino’s pizza meal, I was done !!!   been on my feet almost all day, since 12:05pm and mom wanted to walk back ! !!  I was like-- what ????  you’re kidding me ???  yeah, I was done… luckily I had some ones in my wallet and eventually convinced mom for us to take the bus.  Mom never had taken the bus and was a bit worried, maybe scared, it was the unknown that was delaying her to want to take the bus, we were walking on Michigan Mile had about 4 miles to go, I saw an incoming bus, and asked the bus driver if this bus goes to Union Train Station…. Nope… the 151, so mom wanted to still walk while waiting for the next 151 comes, 151 came and went, I was pissed !!!   Yeah, I told mom, nope, I’m done, I can’t walk anymore…. It was a combination of tiredness, out of shape ness, and my back… after the meal, a switched turned off !!!!  Mom is In Shape !!!  Me not so much ! !!  I told her, she needs another In Shape person to keep up with her… Me, I’m not there yet !!!   Yeah, so eventually, 10 seconds later, another 151 came by and we got on…. It was one of those accordion buses… the two buses into one deal…. I didn’t care how much it costed, I’m done and we’re taking the bus back to Union Station….   Mom, is in great shape…. And she could walk for days !!!!  not hours !!! me now, I was done-done….

We had a low key Thanksgiving, I told mom, the days of “Gorging Myself” is Done !!!   No overeating, over stuffing, forcing myself to eat, eat and eat some more…. Nope, I wont to do it anymore, I just wanted some steaks and some shrimp !!!!   I love shrimp !!!   I could eat shrimp for days !!!   and some “Real “ Pumpkin pie and real Cool Whip….. yeah, mom, is totally into the low to no calories and fat products…..   which is 99% pretty gross… just give me healthy real food, which she does but, the condiments….. oh my…. Yeah…. It’s all good…. I had my delicious shrimp with cocktail sauce, that was my Thanksgiving Splurge…. And we watched a couple movies….  I wasn’t feelin Zumba on Thanksgiving Morning !!!   all good…. Yeah, so today is Saturday night of the Thanksgiving Weekend…. Wed was my birthday and Thurs was Thanksgiving, Friday we lounged around and Sat (today) was enough time with mom… we made some errands, one of the shelves in her cupboard broke, so we went to some places to get the “thing” to hold the shelf on… she did good, she went to Sears outlet kind of like an Ace Hardware… but, it was the wrong size,  Right Thing, Wrong Size… then we went back… to get the right thing, we got it… went back to her home, we needed three of them… all of the other “Things” were stuck, and the thing that goes into the hole to hold the shelf, the peg was inside the hole… so we needed 3 more to move the shelf another level…. You know what I’m talkin about….  So, then went to Home Depot for sure it would be there, they did, but, it wasn’t exactly…. And you had to buy about 12 of them in a package…not 3 singles…. So, I told mom, to go back to Sears to get three more and “Try” to do it yourself… worse case just save it for me…  it’s not a hard job.. we’ll see what happens… she’s good, she’s strong… she kicked my ass in walking !!!!   that’s for sure !!!   ok, enough about mom !!!   Well, we checked out a DVD from the library, it was Oprah’s Debt Diet….and we also seen a few other financial documentaries “Maxed Out”… my… I was in shock and it was sad… that people actually commit suicide because there are in debt…..  and it wasn’t that much…. Like $25,000 from a college student… and also older people, that they didn’t want to embarrass the family and to create hardships for the family… I was like… Fuuuuuuuuck…. A mom, grandma, drove herself into the Missippippi River, she had around $45,000 debt… and she had a gambling addiction…. I was like…. Damn…… and then another college student…. Committed suicide….  Because she was in debt and didn’t want her family to know….  Then you have the couples on Oprah’s Debt Diet…. My O My !!!!!!   Don’t get me wrong…. I know I’m not perfect…. But, to have all of their “Dirty Laundry” out in the national public… I was like Damn, that takes some major weboles (nuts in Spanish) the other nuts….….  You need to watch it again !!!   Oprah’s Debt Diet…. It came out some time in 2006….. I’m sure it’s on YouTube by now…. And “Maxed Out”….. See, right now, I’m doing “Dave Ramseys” program…..  and if you want a better handle of your finances…. DO IT !!!!!   go to Dave Ramseys website and signup for a class in your area….. I would do both…. Oprah’s Debt Diet…. And Dave Ramsey’s …. Oprah’s Debt Diet is an easier version of Dave Ramsey, I would do both….  Yeah, I was like….. Yeah, Money Doesn’t Matter !!!!   It’s Only Money !!!   when it causes suicides, hardship and hard ache… oh my… You got to see it…. That’s all I got to say….That is thee number one reason why married couples divorce or separate…. MONEY !!!!   neither of them learned or didn’t know how to manage money…. They buy, buy, and buy, …. Oh man, that one couple who forged her husband’s signature to get her BMW… and ate fast food for all of their 3 meals and never had cooked nor bought any food from a grocery store… holy shit !!!  I was like --- Whaaaa the fuck …..  ….yeah, afterwards I was like, yeah, mom, I think that government job would be best when I get my bachelor degree…. I’m expected to get my bachelor degree in March 2016 and the game plan is to work for the NPS National Parks and Services…. 1^st come 1^st Serve ??? as far as which National Park, (1^st come 1^st serve)…. Even if it’s Death Valley National Park…. Or Yellowstone… then we started a conversation on being more careful when you meet someone new, as far as a potential love interest, boyfriend and fiancé…..  it could literally ruin your whole life with worry, unhappiness, stress, anger and hatred….  See with me, I know I’m currently “Under Construction” and yes, I admit I have debt… but, I do know how much it is and is currently taking action on taking care of it….. my #1 priority after the BA degree is to get out of debt…. I’ve been mentally dodging the student loan debt…. For quite some time and the sad thing is, was that I didn’t need it …. It felt like I had a licensed to get free money….. yeah sure…. , plan was to use the $$ was an investment into my artwork and to create a business… did I use for my artwork…. NOPE !!!!!   if you don’t have a plan for the money you create/make and the unexpected $$ you receive…. It will literally disappear !!!!    Every dollar you make must have a name on it….. aaand any other unexpected $$  like, Tax Refunds or bonuses  must have a name on it…. Yeah, this one lady on Oprah’s Debt Diet was going to Vegas, Cancun knowing that she was $100,000 in debt….   See little shit like that…. You must be careful you get “Hooked Up” with…. Yeah, from now on that would be one of the immediate deal breakers, Are you in debt ??   if there is some kind of connection…..   How much are you in debt. And what are you doing to get rid of it…. Have you been to a Dave Ramsey class ??  ( my headline for my internet profile)  Seeking Dave Ramsey Graduate and Oprah’s Debt Dieter  Only !!!!   haaa…. I know that is SOOOO NOT Romantic… but you know what…..  I will not have any $$ stress, problems, buy shit that you truly don’t need and going out spending 100’s & even thousands of dollars on resturants and fast food…. And another 20% for the tip…. I know—I know…. It’s not the most romantic start when beginning in a relationship trying to find out 1^st whether or not she’s in debt. And 2^nd how much she’s in debt vice versa to the He’s….  oh my, if I found out that my wife had about $250,000 in secret debt…..  I would faaaa-lip !!!!!!   Wow….  This is the age that we’re living in….. having our credit reports on 1^st dates, making sure that the other isn’t deceiving the other…. Better to say bye in the beginning than saying bye later, after 10 yrs of trying to live with the other without any financial plan or goals…. Living paycheck to paycheck….  Nope, Not Me….. yeah, that is why the Seeking Smart n Sexy Dave Ramsey Graduate….  And if they ask me what the hell is a Dave Ramsey graduate…. We could go signup for a local class…. I don’t know… really…. Universe is going to match me up….. with a few mandatories…. If she is debt like myself…. She must be in either a Dave Ramsey class and / or Doing Oprah’s Debt Diet…. I know totally very Un-Romantic and Un-Sexy, but if finances was the “original reason” for the divorce let’s make the next one totally different and be debt free and invest for retirement. After watching “Oprah’s Debt Diet” and “Maxed Out” documentary movie, I was like yep…. It’s time to get a full-time “Real Gov Job” , not only to take care of my debt but, to be able to live debt free and to be able to finance my loves and passions.  So that is thee current plan now…..  the book for the 2^nd of 3^rd class should be coming on Nov 30^th, register and pay for the 2^nd class on Dec. 1st.  PASS the Class !!!!  should be done with the 2^nd class on 1/24/16  and the 3^rd class on 2/28/16 and then pay for the “$ 150 Degree Audit” and then Poof, BA !!!!  So, March 1^st… 2016, I will receive my Bachelor Degree in Management from Benedictine University…. My intention is to get hired before March 1^st 2016 by NPS…. So, as soon as March comes, I’ll be renting a van or a truck to get my ass to ??????    ___________  National Forest…….   Anywhere in the U.S.  ???   as I said earlier, 1^st come 1^st serve…. I want in ASAP…… Work and pay off my debt…. Which I could easily do within the 1^st year of employment.  2^nd year, save and invest for retirement, 3^rd year same, 4^th year same, 5^th yr. same, the sooner I invest for retirement and the sooner it will multiply and compound.  I have made some changes and yes I have learned from the past…. I will be 100% responsible for my actions, choices and decisions.  Key = Debt Free to be able to invest for retirement….  What about college tuition for my kids ?????  you say… ???   if you’re TX or in IL…… sign them up for the military, your 4 yrs of tuition is paid for aaaaand you get paid to go to college, $1600 per month….  Or work and save or get a scholarship…. To have parents go into debt just because they want their kids to get a good education is not part of the Human Earthly Contract….  The only job that your parents had to do was to have you stay alive until you were 18 !!!!  that is it…. Anything Extra is a Bonus !!!!   Mom this, daddy this,  Nope…..it’s on you… that’s why God gave you a brain…. So you could use it……  this sounds pretty tough…. But, you know what ??  that’s how “Us Kids” learn….. Tough Love…..  living with boundaries…. Oh my, the Widlurs the other family on Oprah’s Debt Diet…. One of their daughters was manipulating their mom and does not respect nor believes her mom’s word… Mom would always get what they wanted…. And the daughter had about 70 pairs of designer jeans and dozens more in her room because she would rather buy more clothes than clean her room and wash her clothes… Oh My… aaand she literally had 35 Victoria Secret bra’s….. !!!!    Wow…. This would be the perfect reason and example on being careful who you marry or begin dating.…..   I’m telling you watch it !~!!!  it’s either on YouTube or at the library…… “Oprah’s Debt Diet”….  I know if I was in that situation, I couldn’t have gone through….   3 families shows you their shit out in national public…..  ok…. Enough about that….. I was like, yup, the next “romantic interest” must be debt free or working a financial program to get debt free, aka Dave Ramsey and Oprah’s Debt Diet…… 

Then…… after I watched “Maxed Out”    I didn’t realize How Deadly being in debt causes.  At the colleges, Get a Free T-Shirt to sign up for a credit card, you get a credit card and you go on a spending spree…..  then you get another one to pay for the 1^st one, etc…. etc… etc….. and you’re in $15,000 in debt and you don’t want to tell your parents…. And the only way out is suicide….  There are hundred’s possibly even thousands of cases like this one….. they commit suicide for being $10,000 in debt…. They can’t tell their parents about it…..  not just college students…..  husband signed up to get his “free” credit report and the day that he received his credit report his wife went missing… last seen was at the gas station for $7 ….  Police had a suspected that she committed suicide by driving into the Missippi River..  5 months later, they found her car with bones in the car……  Debt, Debt, Debt……  she was an older lady, mother and grandmother…. She couldn’t face her husband and family, having all this debt on her credit report…..   Wow…..   See with me, nothing is taking your life for… and I’ve been through it all too !!!!  3 wives, homeless, being in debt and broke countless of times….. sleeping underneath trees and in parks and became a U.S.Marine Infantry and been in war…..   I know tough and rough…..   the next half of my life will be a totally different story !!!!!   and I just wanted to share this with  you and to hopefully inspire others to do the same….. regardless of where you are and how much debt you have…. It is possible to become Free…..  Debt Free  ….  Ok. The last thing I’m going to say is…. Take the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace Class !!!!  it’s a 90 day weekly class, look on his website for the nearest next class in your area…. And take it, go to every class and take it very seriously !!!   www.daveramsey.com  Much Love Infinite Love and Gratitude, Oscar Z…..

Dec 4, 2015 Friday !!!!   11:27pm  MMP Naperville, IL

Ok, let’s talk !!!!   I just love writing like this !!!  this is a part of my “Personal Journal” …. Ooooooo, I’m going to say some very very personal and explicit material…. Adults ONLY !!!  haaa…. We’ll see… yeah, I’m feeling a Ton Better…. Yesterday ‘s Bodhi “Spiritual Practices” class, did me very very well… even though the homework, I’m not going to beat myself up for not being 100% accountable for the HW… but the mediations and prayers off and on…. And to my Prayer Partner will be much better… since I have some minutes on my cell… I do have a Free Gov cell phone…  so, basically about 30 min a month…. So my calls must be very important….  And I don’t have time for misc BS… ya know… ok… what a week, I haven’t worked out since pre Thanksgiving, I did not gorge myself… those days are done and over with… this past week, I was “Real Job” hunting and preparing… a Gov Job !!!!  oh yeah, the most securest job of them all !!!  I know it’s time for me to grow up…. Haaa… shit bout time right, I just turned 43 !!!!   haa….  All is very well… at least I’m finally and eventually learning right ….   I finally applied for a job !!!!   online… it was a gov job… and boy it was a process…. Not only you needed a resume that must be in the format they wanted, but a lot of scanning other docs, cover letter and letter of recommendations… in the process of trying to make the deadline, after I had submitted my resume, profile with all of the docs with cover letter, I saw that I misspelled “Restaurant” there it automatically corrected itself, but on the “Resume” …. It was way off !!!   like Restuourant” yeahhh… that bad… I was like … Fuuuuhhhhh….. I already submitted my application with resume with the whole shebang… well, now they really know that I’m a true U.S. Marine !!!!   we don’t spell well.. !!!!   Well, honestly I do have my fingers crossed, but at the same time I’m not going to lose sleep over it…. I think it would be a good  1^st gov job, for me to go through the year probation period… just to get my feet wet, to get used of having a job to go to… it’s at the Chaco Canyon in New Mexico… they have a relatively small post, I would say, where I would have to do tours and give presentations and be the cashier for the books and misc. that they have there… I just want IN !!!  and yes it is literally in the middle of Nowhere… nearest store is 45 miles away !!!!  yep !!!!   which is what I want to connect with Source and to connect to our past ancestors and civilizations.  Apparantly this site is where the ancient Native Indians would meet, so it is considered extremely sacred…. Wow !!!  and this would be considered one of the 1^st civilizations in America in North America… Plan is to get a job, look the part, beard will be vastly trimmed and lined… and I must be able to fit into a uniform….  The job also offers room and board, gov housing !!!  so I don’t have to worry  about “Rent”…. And looking for a place…. I would be able to save even more money !!!  let’s imagine for a sec…. let’s say an apartment for $700 X12 months =  $8400  per year !!!!   gratis !!  Free !!!!  not bad already…. See, I’m on a mission now…..  I have a plan !!!  I Am Doing “Dave Ramsey’s Financial Plan “ !!!!!   get a mofo job, get more $$ in, Pay Off Debt !!!  while being disciplined and wise with incoming income.  The 1^st year of me having “this” job, I could be out of debt within 1 yr !!!!   the job goes for $39,570 to $62,920 Per Year !!!  Now, I’m not greedy, I just want in, but, if I qualify for the GS 9 position the $62 GRAND a Year job, That would be YESSS !!!!!   it’s time to take care of business….time to make up for lost time !!!  being 43 in all !!!  20 yrs + with the NPS…  would be just perfect…. I maybe thinking a lot about this job, not knowing if I have it or not… but, I do like to “Milk” the what if …… in the positive mind frame of mind… even if I start at the lowest income bracket, it’s still Good $$$ !!!!   for a single bachelor with zero dependents…..  it’s already Sat morning now, 12:10am  and I would be debt free within a year !!!   then after prepare for “Retirement” !!!   (Investments)  now, if you don’t know about “Dave Ramsey” ….. you MUST Hear Him Out !!!!  he’s what the world needs to hear… not wants to hear, needs to hear, he’s not going to sugar coat it…. Having you feel sorry for yourself… nope, get your ass off the couch, sell your time wasting HD TV and get yourself a job/s to get you to be 100% Responsible for your life, actions, past choices and decisions and to be debt free and to invest into your retirement… live within your means and save any way you can, so you can invest for your retirement….   I hope everyone gets to know about him and his organization…  especially now…. Where 99 % of Americans are in debt, living paycheck to paycheck, barely breathing/surviving and could not afford a $1200 emergency setback (car trouble, transmission, motor misc…) or a broken arm or leg ….. or even teeth !!!  dentists are expensive !!!!   especially if you don’t take care of your teeth !!!   especially if you have to wear fake ones !!!  and that denture glue….. it’s a very pretty penny…. I don’t mean to fear / scare you into checking out Dave Ramsey…. I just know that there is an epedimic far worse than “obesity” !!!   it’s a Financial epidemic !!!  everyone is buying shit they don’t absolutely and truly need, ok, I’m just going to leave it at that… ok….  One of my rules is do not preach !!!!   just be the example…. Ok, it took a year for me to finally let loose of the choke hold that my HD TV Flat Screen had on me… it was my 1^st real purchase, with the bass boom box speaker in back and the trebles in front (speaker bar) top of the line… with only a DVD player….  Luckily I didn’t have any cable or satilite stations or reg free tv…. Just DVD’s…. within the 1^st month I was watching around 20-30 DVD’s per week !!!!  gained about 150 lbs…. after about a year I knew this had to stop !!!!  I thought after a trip to Seattle and to National Glacier Park would release the HD TV choke hold nope, when I got back home, I was instantly back to the same drill… yeah, HD TV…. Yes, it’s cool watch football and nature channels / dvd’s but, to have it within arms reach to the remote… it’s not worth it….. I was done watching other people’s living their dreams and passions… it’s time to start living my life not watching my life away !!!!  also with kids when they get older… they want, want, want, want, without working or having any type of financial where with all or wisdom… think that $$ comes from trees, manipulating their parent or parents….  See the 5 DVD set of “Oprah’s Debt Diet”…. !!!!!    there was a family which I could not believe !!!   oh my oh my…. The state of American Families now, is a total nightmare….. yeah, money isn’t everything ???   this day in age it IS Everything !!!!   all I could say about this is seek out and find more about “Dave Ramsey”….. and his 90 Financial Peace Class !!!!  I’m actually going to be going to his Financial Peace University 90 day class, in Jan !!!  Jan 7^th, 2016  what a way to start the new year !!!  Aaaand me and ma are going to see him at Willow Creek Church in Barrington, IL !!!!    I forgot the actual date… but I know it’s in Dec or Jan sometime. ???  I’m going to have to look into that asap…. So I could plan and save up for that… Hey, you know what ???  check it out right now…. Go see if there is any local classes that are going to be going on in your town ???   or to see if Dave is going to speaking nearby ???   ok, that’s it…. I’ve said my peace…. To all who is experiencing financial difficulties and to all who “Appear / Look” successful but, in reality they are in some serious debt.  I know, I know  me telling you about being debt free and living great in your retirement years.. it’s not me, me… It’s Dave Ramsey !!!   I know I’m like the Last Person that you would want to get Financial Advice from right !!!   Haaa.. Right ???   Hey, I don’t blame you at all….  There is a saying that says, “You cannot learn how to be wealthy from a broke person.  The only way for you to become wealthy is from another wealthy person… learn what habits, disciplines, what are they physically doing with their money….  Each dollar has a name and purpose… and if your dollar doesn’t it disappears !!!   haven’t you noticed that ???   WTF ! !!  Happened to all the money we had ????   taxes said, we made $45,000 net…. Where did it go ????   yep, the saying is very true, if you don’t have a plan for your money, your money disappears…. Mostly to all the things, trips, habits, that you don’t absolutely need.   Much apologies if this sounds like preaching…. My intentions are good and of love….  To see so much people, couples, families struggle and super stressed out… that #1 reason for divorce is FINANCIAL !!!!!   don’t tell me money isn’t everything !!!!   it is everything if you can’t afford food for your kids !!!!   Yes, so in my journey ! !! I’m going to be my best in becoming the change that I want to see in the world…. Especially in America…. And in the 1^st, 2^nd world countries….  So, I’m going to take Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace class… and to heed to his advice of getting a job that you would love/like so you can save, get out of debt and invest in your retirement… and that is my game plan….

Whewwww !!!  that was a doozy !!!   talking about the 3 things your don’t talk about at a Christmas party…. Finances, Politics and Sex !!!!!  you know what, it had to be said !!!  No One Had taught us how to master money !!!!  No One !!!   same deal, get a job, hopefully that job will be able to pay for your rent/mortgage and pray that you have extra for food !!!  nothing about having a $1,000 for emergencies, nothing about paying off your debt…. And nothing about investing for your retirement…. !!!   just go with the flow and God Got’s Me, aint going to fly when you have zero in the bank and zero in the gas tank… I know I’ve been there…. Hundred’s of times !!!!  I know broke, I know drinking a lot water trying to drown your hunger pains… because you’re freakin hungry !!!    I know for I had been there…..  if I could do it… so can you…. Starting this month of Dec…. I’m making some small changes…. #1.  No More Paying for $3.00 Starbucks Coffee …. “It’s Not $3 !!??? “ you say, it is when the register says, $2.60 and you give them 3 whole dollars a $5 bill… I usually give the change to tip can… which comes out to $3.00 per Coffee !!!   especially if its from Starbucks that you usually go to and you chit chat with them…. You might then give them a dollar or two…. Now, I know, it sooo sounds sooo freakin cheap and a tight wad.  Just bypass the whole Starbucks experience… by getting yourself a coffee Thermos…. A 24oz one, I got a nice one…. That will have your coffee still hot after 18hrs…. and yes, it does keep your coffee nice n hot !!!  after all day ! !!   I wake up early to make some coffee, let’s see for example another financial what if???   $3 x 30 (month) = $ 90 x 12 (yr) = $1080 per year for 1 Starbucks Coffee !!!   that’s only coffee… Fast Food & Restuarants ….. No Mas !!!!   I’m not a usual fast food/restaurant eater, when I had the HD TV I did the pizza home delivery deal…. Quite a bit, and yes, them pizza’s a getting pretty expensive !!!!!   $70 - $90… average bill… see for me, I get wings, chicken strips, mozzowella sticks, breaded mushrooms !!!!   oh yeah the meaty calzones !!!  I go all out baby !!!   with 2-3 2 liter Cokes…. Dang, sounds pretty good right now… because a bit hungry right now…. It’s pretty late right now… like 1:19am….   I know I’m not 100% cured…. But, I am getting much smarter with my $$...  like going to the grocery store not a gas station to get a 2 liter… I just bought one… not the usual 3-4…. I got an .89 cent 2 liter of that Lemon/Sprite/Grapefruit soda… I can’t remember the name of that drink…. Ok…. Let’s get something to eat…. And then I’m going to call it a night…. We’ll see about the job deal, I hope  I get it but, at the same time I’m not going to lose sleep over it… I still have Dec/Jan/Feb to get a gov Job….. much love in da club, Namaste, Oscar Z in the place to be…..  Home…. …  asta….

Dec 6^th, 2015 Sunday night 10:49pm  MMP  Naperville, IL

Hello !!!   I felt like writing some words here…. I was like Ummmmm… should I talk in a video ??   Right now, I know something very big is brewing… but, what it is it ???   a job in the middle of nowhere, ??  Nageezi, NM  !!!   where will I roller skate ???  where will I work out ??  where can I practice my oratory skills (Toastmasters)  …. Yeah, this is post submission of the job in Nageezi, NM …. I’m thinking like, ??  how am I going to do the things that I absolutely love….   I did some pretending…. Ok, I  get the job in Nageezi, NM…. What’s going to happen on my off time ???  other than meditate… save and make money ???   I don’t know…..  I literally don’t know what to do…. Haaaa… it always works like that hunh ???   I have 2 more classes at Bodhi Spiritual Center, after also the last payment of that class..  it was 3 payments of $110 for the class and also the last $187 payment for the YMCA personal training sessions… yep, 2 months later I’m still paying for it…. All good though…  I needed to get moving… I want a job local… that I can 1^st pay off my debts….  2^nd get a economical car so I can go rollerskating and go to different Chicago events…. Chi Ka Go…. I’m able to go via the Metra… I need to figure out how to do it via metra and bus, reason being…  Winter Time !!!  I will not be riding my bike to Yoga Now on LaSalle when there is snow on the streets and sidewalks… yeah, I’m not to comfortable riding my bike on the streets, even though every bike rider does it…. So, I’m thinking getting a “Real” local job nearby…. Where I can do the things I love….  Mmmm… got me thinking…. Since I have veterans preference…. I might be looking at Fermilab…. A science gov agency…. Or at the DuPage County Forest Preserves ?? as an officer ???  if I didn’t pass the age limit ??  or at Office Max where I met a marketing exec at a bar a few years ago in Chicago…   This is what I do know, I’m not going to give up !!!  or get the job at the MCA, Museum of Contemporary Art in Chicago… where me and mom went for my birthday… getting there would take about 2 hours….  The museum is right in the middle of the Magnificant Mile….  Near the Water Tower Place… I truly don’t know what will happen…. I do have Dec, Jan, Feb, 3 months….. should I get a Part Time Job now ???   at Menards ???  or at Barnes and Noble ???  well, 1^st and foremost my class has #1 priority… which starts in less than an hour…. That is my main priority right this second…. 2^nd of the 3^rd class for me to get the BA in Management….  The long awaited BA Degree…. It would be best that I stay here for the time being…. Oh yeah, before I forget…. About the Nageezi, NM job….. I was reading more of the job description and information, I read that—that if I am selected for the job, I would have to send them my whole life driving record, in all the states that I had a drivers license in….   “Fuuuuuuuuhhhhhhh”… is what I said….. even though I’m legit now…. In the past, notso much….  In IL I have 4 DUIs and also in CA… I think I may at least 2 DUI’s in Cali…..    yep, you guessed, “Fuuuuuuuhhhhhh”…. Well, there goes that job…. See, it is a freakin process…  well my last DUI was in 2006… So, shit about 9 years of a clear record….. hunh…. Who knows, maybe 10 yrs clean would be the right amount of years of driving clean, because, I would be driving Gov vehicles….  Ahhhhh…… I truly don’t know what to do… I’m doing my Resume, that’s good, and all of the military documents all scanned and PDF’d….   you know what ??? I just want a Full-Time Job 8-5pm, where I don’t need a car, where I could walk and bike to, to pay off my debt….. that is key for my 1^st year ???  you know what ???  I may do the MCA job ??? if it’s still available ???  I won’t be able to start until March 1^st, 2016…. Also I was thinking of applying for another Atoll Island job, I forgot the name of the Atoll, basically it’s like military base island… where everyone ride bikes, no cars and what I’ve heard, people go to work in sandals and shorts and t-shirts….   Well maybe not where the rockets are being stored and shot from..   Well, this is the last month of the big payments !!!!   Ahhhhh !!!!!   See, knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t have taken the Bodhi class nor the YMCA personal training…. Because I was still in debt…. Now, I’m on Total Lock Down… not even Starbucks… I’m making my own coffee at home….and fast food & reg restaurants….  Mom says, that she’ll pay for the Dave Ramsey Tickets…. At $49 a pop, he’s going to be speaking sometime in Jan…. ???  shit I forgot actually, very soon though… and I have decided to do the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University Class !!!!!  in Jan…. at a nearby church…. For $90… yes, it’s very well worth, especially, with new updated information and tools…. Last time was with mom about 8 yrs ago… at that time, I was making zero money, and wasn’t in debt…. Now, I should’ve taken his advice… but, I had to learn my way…. I had to learn on my own…. My own way…..  hey, I’m learning….. I’m making changes !!!   so, the class in Jan 7^th, will be the only class I’ll be taking… other than the BA classes….   See, it’s soooo easy to spend, buy this, buy that, go to this event, but, if you’re in debt….. ????   NOPE…. Let’s take care of the debt 1^st …. Then start investing for your future and retirement…. Hmmmmmm…. Maybe the NPS, would do me good ????   I won’t be in an environment where it’s buy, buy, buy, do this, do that, go here, go there…. I could focus on me ???  hunh ???   maybe I should get my Driving Records Ready ????!!!!   IL and in CA ????   yes, they will definitely find some DUI’s and some driving under a suspended, but hopefully they will see the 10 yrs of driving clean and legit…..  See, with the NPS, I can knock out the debt, within the 1^st year, and the 2^nd and 3^rd year, save and invest and maybe the 4^th and 5^th yr, invest in a camera, Apple Pro Laptop with all the bells and whistles and a DJ console with speakers…. See, with NPS, I could fund my passions… once I am debt free…. Let’s do that !!!   get my IL driving record and in CA as well…. Yes, I’m sure they would want their $$.... hopefully not that much…. Hmmmm…. I’m trying to figure out how to get there by bus n bike…. My bus pass isn’t working anymore…. The $$ from the state hasn’t came in yet….  Hmmm… maybe I should get the Metra, Pace and CTA all inclusive pass…..  Chicago and the Burbs !!!!   I want to take care of that this week… since I’m planning on staying here for a lil bit longer….  A gov job nearby and close…. Not a state or a city job…. But a Gov job !!!!   If I am considered for the job, I’m going for it…. YESS !!!!   also for the Atoll job….. I feel like just where ever you put me, I’ll be good !!!  for 2 yrs !!!  let’s say for $20,000 per year room and board and food included ???!!!!   c’mon now… no cars allowed,  you bike to work…. Hmmmmm…. I don’t know…. I could definitely work on my fitness and my books while I’m in Nageezi, NM…..   yeah, look it up on Google Maps… it’s literally in the middle of nowhere !!!!   just the ancient spirits of our ancestors !!!!!  I’m sure quite a bit of super-natural events has happened there…. I just feel it… from here even…….   I knew I’ve read it somewhere …..   I just was looking at the Job “description/summary” packet and I clearly remembered reading about the “Driving Record” portion, and I remembered it was online… there’s so much information and at 10 cents for page, I’m trying to save $$ on the gov job hunt….   All I know is that once I’m in, I’m In ! !!!   I was talking with mom, and found out that mom got her gov job at 40….. well, I could’ve always asked her, but, life still continues !!!  after her 20+ yrs with the postal service !!!!  she’s in the best shape in her life !!!  I can account for that…. Shit, 60’s isn’t that far away 1!!!   From me, 17 yrs till I’m 60  !!!!  Holy Moly ! !!!  I never really thought it was that close !!!!  17 yrs !!!!    Shit, you know what, looking back I should’ve stayed in the Marine Corps….. I got in at 27 yrs old… if I had stayed in I would’ve been on my 16^th yr !!!!   in the Marine Corps !!!!   in shape and debt free…..// I did wanted to stay in….  I didn’t want mom to worry… // anyways, past lesson has been learned….  The National Park Service could be my savior !!!!  and my future….  Not only it could get me out of debt, but, being able to invest for my retirement and to fund my passions, art, DJng, speaking, preaching, etc…. hnhh…. Ok, I feel much better know…. I’m very open on me getting a gov NPS job !!!!  the waiting and seeing if it comes through is the hardest part… best thing is to prepare and let it go….. being proactive, getting my IL and CA driving record… and getting in shape and make sure I pass the last 2 classes !!!!   starting today !!!!   today….. I want to go to the library, print out this weeks assignments, ok…. I want to take care of my place…. I have misc everywhere…. And then go to the library to make my print outs….  Hunh…. I do feel much better….. for my future….  I have the rest of this month Dec 7^th – Jan 15^th for this class now and the last class Jan 15^th – Feb 28^{th 2016} ……  thus March 1, 2016 having completed all of the required classes for me to receive a BA in Management… this time I’ll make sure I pay for the “Degree Audit”….. ! !!!!    hopefully I’ll be already hired and in the process of moving…I’m only taking the necessities … no furniture, I will be taking my 3 inch poster pedic super cushion mattress… it’s not really a mattress, you just melt into it…. And it conforms to your body !!!  I absolutely love it !!!  and my mountain bike !!!  with my bike tool kit, so I could make some repairs… because I’ll be in the middle of nowhere !!!  This month is the month of preparation !!!!  I applied on Dec 2^nd, 2015 which was the deadline….. the job was open from November 24 through Dec 7^th… Dang that’s only… literally 2 weeks….. ~!!!  I’m also kind of hoping that not a lot of people saw and applied for the position… just me and another non-veteran…  where by law they have to hire me because of my veteran preference….. C’mon Marine Corps !!!!   I wonder why so short amount of time… 2 weeks notice… that’s like a blink of an eye…..  if you’re not searching everyday for a gov NPS job…. This job could’ve easily sneak behind the cracks… of a seasoned gov job searcher…. Maybe not…. Hopefully all the stars will line up just perfectly and the ancestors of the Chaco Culture will grant me favor and with great handling care.  And for me to get my IL and CA Driving Records and to get ready to move…. Place…. Letting go what I don’t truly need…. I’m planning on only renting a minivan or the smallest uhaul truck…. This would be such an Amazing Adventure for me….  I could invite other spiritual seekers to come in visit….. me in Chaco Canyon….  While I write my books and sermons/speaches/talks  nature dvd’s, movies, ducumentaries…. Humh…. Shit, also I would like to seek out a NPS gov employee, just to pick their brains… how long, how do you like it ??  etc….  I’m going to pretend I’m going to be moving on March 1, 2016…..  I don’t know if I should apply for another NPS gov job ???  while the one I just applied for is still in limbo…  My game plan is 1^st come 1^st serve !!!!   No time to wait and see what if ???  what if a better opp comes ??   nope, I don’t have time to play that game…. 1^st job offered 1^st job accepted….    Hunh……  well, let’s attract what and how I’m living now…..

I was listening to Summer McStravick with her Flowdreaming Co.  on one of her many “FREE” podcasts on iTunes, she says that, “that you attract / get what you already are now”…. That includes body temple, home temple, what are you doing with your time min by min ????   NOW !!!!  RIGHT This Second ! !!!!   NOW ! !!!   You Get What YOU ARE NOW !!!!   and that really had me thinking…. Dang……  my place is an un-organized and an un-tidy environment…. I’ve been ho-humming about my fitness regime and my eating habits…..  STOP !!!!    NOW !!!!   Me not having an organizing environment is pre-paving my future !!!   I must cease that now !!!!    and the same goes for my fitness and eating habits now….. NOW !!! is key, take a look around now, take a 360 degree pan look, if you don’t want more of what you see….. STOP and Change it now !!!!!!   What is now is what you will get in the future….. it’s creating more and more and more of what is now….. all aspects about your life, where you live, how you live ? what you look like, how you look….  Etc….the whole shebang… Whatever Is NOW !!!  what will be in the future….. ok, how many other times I could say that right ???  I’m assuming that you got the point…. Wow !!!  for me it was like a light bulb went on….  So elemtary, so easy, so simple…. Yeah, so this month…. Starting when I wake up…. It’s 1am now…. Dec 7^th, 2015… I think I might do the hasty clean up…. Deal, which I’ve been doing … should I do the indepth clean up… I know the answer is yes…. Ok, this is the deal… with the J.O.B. deal…. The only way I would consider quitting any job would be if I had $10 million in the bank collecting interest.  I could pursue all of my passions outside of work…. With my artwork… writing books and making dvd’s and shows…..  oh yeah, I’m planning on video recording my Dave Ramsey class, like a video journal, my downs and ups and awakenings and hardships… etc…. it is a 90 day class… meeting once a week for 90 days…. Yes, it’s worth every cent of it…. It’s worth your life …… I’m definitely looking forward on starting that class and meeting other people that are on the same path…..  see, this would be a great class to meet your GF and your future wife at !!!!   at a Dave Ramsey class not a DUI court appointed class……  also at the Dave Ramsey speaking event !!   will get even more inspired and motivated …..  After Dec, starting Jan… I’m going to start paying off my debts…. Talk is cheap….. let’s start doing it now….. I want to have the baby step 2 down asap… then start on the debt dealeo……also I’ll be starting the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace Class.. starting Jan 7^th 2016…. It costs $90… you’ll get a huge kit…. Cd’s, books, tools, other goodies while you’re going through the class meeting once week for 3 months… 90 days…..hummmm… that sort of reminds me….. lets literally prepare for me to move on March 1, 2016…. Like ripping…. Cd’s…from the library… so I’ll have some positive inspiration and motivation at my finger tips…..  I thought about getting a “cheapy” laptop to upload cd’s on… see, I already know why they are the cheapie’s….. they are cheaply made and will not last….. haven’t you learned that lesson already ?????   ok, ok… you got, me, or maybe get an external hard drive so I could record it on…. My Dell laptop, has very little memory on it and the same with the Toshiba, but, with the Toshiba the cd/dvd drive is gone, it broke, I tried to repair, I made it unusable…..   just food for thought….. then again I do have quite a bit of Bishops T.D. Jakes CD’s !!!!  Mmmmmm…. Just making me think right now….  Maybe just get the external HD so I can record CD’s unto them……  music too…. So when I get the “Real” Laptop, Apple Pro Laptop, I’m thinking 2 of them 1 for photography and videos and the other for music… or maybe just one !!!   with a couple of hard drives…..  I’m thinking after debt is paid off….. technology now is going at a super rate of speed, 2-3 yrs… from now… getting a pro camera with video capabilities and the Apple Pro Laptop will far exceed what it is now…. So, that is what I’m aiming for 2+ yrs…. From now…. Get all of the expensive long lasting technology equipment later…. When new technology development comes out….. then Baaaam…. Super Booom !!!!  Oscar  Zepeda  will be coming out….. all of the social media sites….. Boom Boom Pow !!!!  the whole Universe will know about Oscar Zepeda, see, I could create large paintings on my off time…. And create videos and shows….  And to market my books and tools….. key thing 1^st is being debt free….. and saving as much as I can and investing that for my future…. I have 17 yrs till I’m 60  !!!!   Yikes ….. now is time to take massive action…. Action…. Action…. That is why you have (hopefully) two arms and two feet, (if not, do whatever you have to do)…. To do massive action…. Like the process of getting a gov job…. I had to redo my resume, cover letter, scan all of the necessary docs into PDF form… and if I’m considered for the job, my driving record (whole life, all states) IL and CA….. I hope the driving record will not be a deal breaker…. //  I just refilled my coffee and I was just thinking about my “Cabin”….. maybe after my 20+ yrs with the NPS, I’ll be able to get the cabin of my dreams… no not a luxurious cabin….. I mean a basic  1 room cabin, with a wood burning stove, logs, with grass as the roof….  In absolute paradise…. Billboard free, stop light, traffic free…. Secluded with mountains in the background, creeks, rivers, ponds and lakes where I could go salmon fishing…. And deer hunting for food….. Wow !!!  that would be a great…. I don’t know about electricity or not…. Mmmmm…… if I have a lady friend…. Most likely, but, this day in age, you don’t have at least electricity….. you can’t really do anything with technology, like cameras, laptops, writing on Microsoft word, recharging batteries, for the cameras photo and video…. So, we’ll see, by that time I know that technology will be much much farther ahead…. Then again, I could have solar power panels….. we’ll see…. Or maybe have another condo /cabin home on the outskirts of civilization that is electricity capable and maybe even internet so I could upload them videos !!!!   I am getting used to have multiple SD cards….. so I don’t have to upload as soon as one SD card is full….. but, then again, when you have about 5 SD cards and trying to upload them can be a very lengthy process…. So, I try to upload as I go….. kind of like the Clean as I go, philosophy about your kitchen…. Which I don’t usually do….. we all learn at our own learning curve….. we’ll see, as far as a romantic partner…. Hmmmmm…. I can’t really say…. Right now…. I’m not “On the Market” now…. I’m in “Currently Under Construction” mode….. I want to be debt free and my partner to be debt free and to be in the best shape in my entire life….pursuing my passions and loves….. while doing the work that I love…. And investing for the future…..  I still want to travel the world, go to Chile…. Hmmmm… maybe that’s in the mix if the NPS gov job on March 1, 2016 didn’t go through….. Chile…. I could work there, spend time with papi…. Yeah,…. I’ve been meaning to go see and spend time with papi…. Maybe that’s the big thing brewing…..  moving to Chile….. working out and working at a job….  Paying off debt…. Maybe bringing the Dave Ramsey mentality to South America….. you know what ???   fuck it…. Let’s go…. Papi is getting older, he’s about sheeesh, I don’t know exactly…… mid 70’s I’m guessing….. hunh….. I also want to find out working in Patagonia ….. shit you know what ???  fuck it let’s go…… I’m done here…… I have no one holding me back here in Naperville…. No wife or kids…. Mom yes, mom she’s all for traveling and practicing espaniol…. Hunh…. Let’s connect with papi…. And maybe get dual citizenship….. see, I know for a fact that if I don’t go now…. I will never go…. Especially if I get a gov job…… that’s like a 20 yr + job……  and the trip to Chile will be forever gone…. Yeah, let’s start planning for it… let’s contact Rosie…. I want to see her and her family….. and try to connect with popps…..  I told him I was going to come and visit about 7-8 yrs ago….. a while ago…. Maybe 6 years… I don’t’ know… I have been keeping track….. my game plan is to possibly work for an Adventure Co. in Patagonia…. Hunh…. Maybe bring my bike as well….. .I will be flying…. // hunh….. this just might be the route that I choose to go….. getting a job in Patagonia, Chile….. being a part of the adventure business…. Hunhhhhh….. … or maybe getting a job in Santiago ???  bottom line is taking care of the debt….. I know I’ll be  tempted to spend $$ on this and on that….. I’m going to tell popps that I’m here to spend time with you and the familia and to work and to get out of debt….. maybe at the airport ??  they need English speaking people there ???  I don’t know exactly what will happen…. That sounds and feels a lot better, who knows, maybe a few yrs down the road, I’ll get the NPS job….. I want to find out if there is an age limit on getting a job with NPS….. I really want to go to Chile…. Yess…. I believe that’s it….. I’ll have the BA…. I’ll be able to work and pay off my debt….  Preferably at a yoga studio…… or at a dance club, security, host…. Or an art studio or a gallery…. We’ll see….. I know I must see and visit papi……. Ok…. That’s it….. March 1^st, 2016….. Santiago, Chile…….. before I go to Chile, I want to make a visit with grandma in GA… Georgia, near Georgia State University, I forgot the small city’s name… O something or A something…. For about 1-2 weeks…. Oooo.. that may a bit too long… maybe 1 week…. Hunh…. Just thinking, no Greyhound though….. it’s about an hr or two from Atlanta… so I know I could get a ride… we’ll see… I’m going to have to contact grandma… I don’t think she’ll approve of my long thick beard…. Last time I was there, I had a beard going on…. Whatever happens all will be very good….. so visit grandma before I go to Chile…. I don’t know if I should go back home…. (mom’s place) …. Or maybe I should send some of my stuff off to Chile before I go… like my mountain bike and my roll of canvass…. My plan with the canvass is to cut the roll into 7-8ft pieces and then put them into my sea bag…. I’m thinking about 2 of them maybe 3 sea bags….. //  yeah, this would be very good for me….. see, I just need a job that will earn me at least $15,000 a year for me to be debt free in one year….let’s see if there is any gov jobs in Chile… U.S. companies…. Military bases ???  I know there is a U.S. Embassy there… maybe I can get a job there ???   office clerk ???  I don’t care really…. I just want in…..  hunh…. I think I might have to shave off my beard…. And have a U.S. approved haircut…. I don’t mind shaving but, my head hair, I don’t have to cut it….. just thinking right now…. Maybe some U.S. corporations in Chile…. That I could work for…. Humh….. I wouldn’t mind getting into movies or tv shows… comedy shows…. I kinda know a thing about Chilean humor…..  or maybe at a spiritual / yoga retreats…… hunhh…. Seek some other types of churches, Science of Spirituality / Unity type of Churches….. papi always said I had “Personality”……    maybe DJing at clubs…. ???  or Club Divine in Santiago, Chile…. I want to meet up with Taz, I want to buy his songs…. And put them on an external Hard Drive…. For $500-$ 1000…… we’ll see…. Kind of like a franchise… Club Divine Chile…. Club Divinito…. Haaa.. that would be pretty cool…. Where everyone would dance w/o any alchohol…..  we’ll see…. It’ll come…. I know I must visit with grandma before I go to Chile….. that’s all I know right now…. Ok, plans have been officially changed……. CHILE !!!!!!   because I can and I said I was going to…… for how long ???  I don’t know… I want a dual citizenship….. we’ll see, I may meet my romantic partner there ???  Chilean woman are the most beautiful and they know how to cook and they love to cook, which I can’t really say that to the “Americanized” women now…. Everything microwaved and instant….. we’ll see…. It’s time to get some rest, it’s 2:52am now…… plan is to clean up and organize place when I wake up till about 2pm… then go to the library to print out my assignments for my new class and have mom pick me up to go to Zumba….. oh yeah…. It’s on like donkey kong !!!!   Much Love, Infinite Love and Gratitude, Oscar Z

Dec 7, 2015 12:59pm….. MMP Naperville, IL

Whewww… what a night… couldn’t sleep last night… probably went to sleep around 4-5am…. I just said a prayer to help me…. Find the right choice…. I want to go to Chile…. I also want to be debt free, if I go to Chile, I still would have to get a job, which I don’t’ know how long it will take, plus all the temptation of spending money….. I don’t know what to do !!!!!   should I do this, should I do that ???  if I do this, what about working out at a “real” gym and rollerskating !!!!   I love roller skating ???  or would it better if I get a “Real” job local, so I could still keep the place that I have now and get out of debt that way, it won’t be as much as a reg local apartment,…. Average apartment is $800-$1000… per month !!!!  I’m trying to get out of debt here…. Then I thought if I don’t get the NPS job or a real job locally, I was thinking of getting a job at Menards or at Meijers… it has to be full-time…… I went to sleep asking the Universe / aka God to help me…. I also want to see my papi…. And grandma…. Which I havent’s seen in years !!!!   grandma just turned 90 I think….. I don’t know what to do….  If I go to Chile, what about my books ???  haaa… I know, and what about my mountain bike ???  and my canvass ???  can I pre ship it to Chile before I go ???   then again the $1500 flight cost could be going towards my debt !!!   I don’t know !!!  I know something big is about to happen !!!!   should I get a job at Lifetime Fitness so I could get a free membership there ???  it’s like $90 a month and a $ 500 initial  upfront fee… so I’ve heard ???  could be more or less ……  I want to play basketball !!!  and to roller skate ???  Dang It !!!   I don’t know  ???  I know I’m getting myself riled up here…… all is well….. just focus at the task at hand….. which is taking care of my class.  Making sure I do and complete all of the assignments on time and do them fully and completely… this is my #1 priority  right now…. And to work on my fitness habits…..  I did my 30 of silent meditation before I started writing here….  I know, I know… let’s just take a deep breath and just know that all will unfold at the perfect Divine timing…. Ok, for today, going to go the library, I’m thinking at the 2:28  or the 3:28, bottom line I just want to find out what the assignment is and to print them out… I also want to seek out any NPS recruiters ?? in the Chicagoland area ???   that was a thought that came to mind, to help me with all of the paperwork ?? and appearance… I know I have to tidy up my appearance and my physical appearance.  Then I thought about getting into the MCA if the job is still available ??? My mind is going on overdrive about the what if’s and the potential possibilities…..  ok, I get the job here, then I do this and that… if I don’t I go there and try to get one….   Calming the mind of all of the possibilities can be tough and strenuous and stressing… Not knowing what the fuck is going to happen…  is just one big question mark…..  I want to do this and that… oh yeah, I want my cabin too !!!!  haaa.a.. this shit never ends….. right now, I’m just going to make the best of it…. And take care of the MUSTS !!!!!   Must #1.  Is of course the current class that I’m in….. Must #2. Is to clean and org my place…. I’m attracting into the future whatever IS NOW…..  pretty scarier thought if you’re not where you want to be right this second… eg:  is the place clean/messy ???  kitchen ???   bedroom and bathroom ???  yeah…… let’s take of that…… tonight and tomorrow…. My case worker is coming over …. So, I really want to take of business…..  I’m attracting whatever IS NOW into the future…. I am attracting more of what is right now !!!  I’ve decided I’m going to stop with my cigarettes now…. I wanted to stop on the 1^st of Dec…. but, negatron…. Let’s see what happens in a month w/o cigarettes…. I want to look good for the next Chi Ka Go !!!!  which is Dec 13^th…. On Sunday…. Last time was on a Sat night and brought my bike… I had a blast…. Did some serious dancing !!!   and usually Dave will take some pretty kick ass pics…… I want to wear something kind of reavling like a tank top…  I have n’t worn a tank top out in public in years !!!!!   I  want to get a kick ass tank top, not just a solid color tank top, you know ????   Hmmmmm….. Or maybe I can make one ???  I don’t know about that one…. Ok…. It’s 12:43pm….. haven’t eaten yet….. so I’m a bit hungry….. I do need some fuel for the Zumba and kick boxing class tonight….oops, the time is 1:37pm now….  The laptop time is incorrect….. // I was just imagining the best time I had at Chi Ka Go…. Imagining myself with all of my tattoos flaming out…. It is pretty sick….  Or maybe I should put on my boot straps and get a job at Meijers…. Whatever hours….. no whatever hours… day hours…. 8am-5pm….  Ok, no more !!!!   ok ???  No more what if this and what if that ???  I can’t focus on right now….. right now, I’m going to get something to eat shower up and go to the library…. And have mom pick me up for Zumba at around 5:30pm…..sound good ???   Dang it’s almost 2pm…. Hunh…. Should I stay home and clean ??? or go to the library ??  you know what I have to stay home for my case worker tomorrow, so I would have to stay home till 3pm…. And I could clean then …. And bit tonight after Zumba and Kickboxing class….. ok… feeling better now… the Universe Has Everything Covered….. just focus on NOW !!!!  ok ???   get the assignment done and tidy up your place…..  and have fun….. this is my prescription from the Universe…. Aka God…..  Everything will be revealed, unveiled and unfolded in Perfect Divine Timing….. just Do what you have to do NOW !!!! …… ok…. Sounds good to me….. let’s eat, shower and go to library…. Infinite Love and Gratitude, Oz

December 10, 2015 11:42pm, MMP Naperville, IL

I don’t know what it is but, I just had to type/write, the 1^st week of my new 2^nd to the last class.  This evening I stopped at the magazine rack…. Picked up a couple magazines, Flex a bodybuilding mag, I had stopped / well let if run out my subscription, then picked up Backpacker, whew… I almost was about to buy it…. But for $20 for 2 yrs, I opted for the subscription paper card…. Then I went to Entrpreneur Magazine, saw my boy Kelly Slater… the “Michael Jordan” of surfing… he’s my age…. I’ve seen a couple of surfing movies and documentaries with him in it…. He’s bad ass !!!   then I saw the front cover of Success Mag I don’t know her or have seen her before, but she’ invented the “Spanx” something like that… Overnight success with the appearance on Oprah and Oprah even uses Spanx… Spanx is usually for women, to keep their figure in check….. I was opening through it and just got a bit pissed and angry…. Saw Gabby Bernstein as one of the up in coming “Thought Leaders’ also saw my main man Bishop T.D. Jakes and Dave Ramsey !!!   Haaa… go figure… I guess I’m not the only one that loves them !!!!  I was like damn, all I need is a small warehouse !!! and I’ll be a World Reknown famous artist within 2 yrs !!!  Ahhhhhhghhh !!!!!  I just wanted to yell out…. Fuck, I should be in here !!!!    I forgot her name, the inventor of Spanx, the 1^st page of the article, it said, she quit her job selling fax machines in 2004, and started this product / her company….  Then there was a quote from Jim Rohm (heard that he passed recently) at the bottom of the page, stating, “that if you don’t plan your life the way you want it, someone else will use you for their plan”.  Something like that…. I was fuuuck, what am doing ????  I know I could do this ???  Seeking and applying for gov jobs ???  while I only applied to one job so far….. then I was listening to James Malenchek (something like that) my mom at a mp3 on the laptop, it was about making money speaking…. Shit, I love speaking !!!   I feel like I’m falling away, trying to keep up…. I just need that warehouse !!!!!   Fuuuuuuck !!!!  apologize for the adult language, I’m a bit, frustrated and confused…. I feel like I gave up on my dreams…. By pursuing the job deal…. I don’t know what to do !!!!!!   ahhhhh, the 1^st week of class, I took the day off…. Yeah, can you believe I’m still recuperating from the all nighter at McD’s working on my assignments… yeah,… also been browsing on the single ladies on POF and OKCupid !!!!  for Nageezi, NM !!!!  no not Naperville !!!  Notso much in Nageezi but, I bit more selection in Farmington, NM and Durango, CO…. what am I doing here ????   then decided to browse through the Naperville selection… there was a few that I thought were interesting and cute… but, I know for a fact, I’m not there…. Haaa.. this one lady wrote a dag gone book on not to message if you….. in your 20’s, in your 50’s, I smoke and I don’t want anyone to tell me to stop, oh shit !!!   then she got into pictures, only recent pics only, that she met about 3 men that used past pics and when they finally met, the guy looked totally different with a pot belly and about 100 more lbs !!!  haaa.. I was laughing, because if I tried to get a date now, I would be that guy !!!!  so, no worries, I will be using recent pics, but, the main priority is to get back in shape !!!  I don’t know what it is but, I must give it a shot !!!!  to make it on my own with the artwork….  I must give it a shot !!!  just one good solid shot !!!  shit, I was looking a lot of those next generation of “Thought Leaders” I was like, I need to be in here !!!!   I know I have the personality…. I know I can do it !!!   then last night I was listening to DJ Shorte… on YouTube… then a commercial comes up, his own commercial, DJ, and actor DJ Shorte and there was the Pilot for his new show !!!  I didn’t see the show… but, damn !!!   that’s Awesome !!!   but, what about me ???  !!!  I love to DJ… (play music) and I know I would love to get into acting !!!   Ahhhh… what should I do !!!   I don’t want to give just yet …… 1^st and foremost, the Debt deal !!!  I know, I can’t forget about that…. I totally did, too… well, it’s not that much… only about $30,000…..  so should I get a job, 1^st to get out of debt, then to help fund my passions and also to invest for future/retirement….. a $39,000 would work wonders for me !!!  who knows I just might make the GS 9 level which is $62,000… damn, not bad…. For a 8hr a day job !!!!  yeah, that sort of calmed things down for a minute…. Even at $39,000 per year after debt is paid, I can get a small warehouse or maybe some gov land/building that their not using, with permission of course… if not, the area that I’ll be is a small city and the cost for a basic no thrill warehouse will not be as much as a warehouse near Naperville…. Orrr, should I save and then get a cheap warehouse in Chicago ???  after the BA… right now… this is the number 1 priority right now… I didn’t go to my Spiritual Practices Class at Bodhi…. I wasn’t feeling spending 8 hrs for a 1 ½ hr class…. that is about the ratio…. Coming from Naperville to Chicago and coming back… eg: I would’ve taken the 3:52pm train to the city, arrive in Chicago at 5pm, walk to Ogilve train station which takes about 10 min… hope on the nearest train that stops at Clybourn… get off at Clybourn at around 5:40pm and then walk I’m guessing 3 miles.. it takes about 50 min to walk to Bodhi Spiritual Center, class starts at 6:30pm, ok, class is about 2 ½ hrs long, class is usually over by 8:30-9pm I don’t usually check… in the past I would walk back to Clybourn, but, I’ve been getting a ride to Clybourn, wait outside for the 10:21pm train that goes into Chicago… then walk to Union Train Station from Ogilve, to catch the 10:41pm train to Naperville… I usually get home by 12midnight !!!  that is why I decided not to make class tonight…. I was planning on going to the Naperville library, but, couldn’t shake off the “All Nighter” drowsiness off…

While I was browsing through the mags… the Entrprenuer and Success mag they had the new business company vans…. What do you call them vans… for business and construction ???  anyways, they had one a Mercedes van starting at $28,000…. What ??  shit, I would be making that in a month !!!  Even right this second, it’s 12:32am FRIDAY !!!!    I would be building my paintings with the tunes blaring !!!!   Hunh ???  there’s a small shopping mall, more like 5 business in building all in a row, whole building is empty !!!  I was thinking maybe lease one of the storefronts and at nights use the whole / well not the whole whole  parking to display my Masterpieces !!!!  humnh….. ok, I’m thinking about that debt…. Whew…. What to fuckin do !!!  you know what ???  maybe fund my dreams and passions while I work !!!  ???  that’s an idea ??   I know just getting a gov job will be a process… more like a whole another journey in life !!!   I really don’t know about the job that I did apply for… I kind of have a good feeling about it…. 1^st of all, the job posting was only up online for two weeks, 2^nd I have the qualifications, the actual job experience negative, well, they were asking National Park Service specific knowledge and Park Ranger, that you must be already a Park Ranger to have “experience” of course I told the truth, that I haven’t had any experience, shooing away attacking bears !!!! (joke btw)…. Ok, before I got the laptop and starting writing, I thought about talking…. Then I said, you know what ??  in the Success Mag, they had a section for the top “New thought leaders” Blogs !!!  then I said, you know what, I need to be here !!!  so, here we go… even though right this exact second, I’m not online… but, the next time I am, I will copy n paste whatever I had written here !!!!  that’s why you see the dates and times… this is when I exactly wrote the words…. Then I thought about writing a book/s.  then I saw the new book section of Success Mag, I know I thought about buying it, but, Dave Ramsey was on my shoulder saying, They have the exact same magazine at the library !!!!  Don’t Do It !!!!  it was cool to see Dave Ramsey and Bishop T.D. Jakes in the Success Magazine !!!!   I love and the utmost respect for both well, for everyone that was there !!  Oprah !!!  was there and Wayne Dyer was there as well….   This day in age, with all of the Social Media sites, seems like Anything and Everything Is Possible….  The Spanx deal, Mark Zuckerburg, everyone…. Who gave it their all…. And then Bam, Oprah’s Show… overnight millions…. That’s how it works… plus, I also……had an urge to get into t-shirts …  ok. I have decided I’m going to make 1 book at a time… #1. The Next Level to your spiritual journey/something like that or it could be something totally different…. Shit, lets start now !!!   I just love typing and I know Source/Universe aka God is using my body temple to say some words.. kinda like Neale Donald Walsh…. He was kind of like in the same situation and experience that I’m going through… Homeless…. Even though he was living out of a tent.  I was living out of a van going to homeless shelters, then got into a homeless program… Technically I’m still homeless… well, without being in this homeless program I would be sleeping in the shelters…. So this apartment that I’m sleeping in is a part of the homeless agency….  How’s that for being in a Blog !!!  j/k… all is very well !!!  I will be perfect…… even though I have these pushing urges to do my art, to write books, to speak, to act, to get into movies…  ok, how about this let’s do the J.O.B. thang till I’m Debt Free…. At least Debt Free… or maybe even longer, b/c this job that I applied I would be giving presentations and speeches to groups and to the public, with gov housing.. so I could save even more $$.... I thought about asking about the patch of land that I see almost everyday riding the train home.  Ok, ok, ok…. All of these thoughts, ideas, and possibilities… 1^st things 1^st and that is to get the BA !!!!   I know, but writing it down, does help…. Get if out of my system….  And focus on the NOW…. and that’s this class and the BA… today. Game Plan is to get some HR books from College of DuPage… I thought about going to Benedictine U to check out some books but, it’s kind of out of they way, even though I have my bike, I’m thinking about getting the wire cages that you put at the back tire of the mountain bike…. Because my backpack, will not hold big ass books… and that’s what I need, some more Sources ! !!! I believe it maybe a 2 week or 3 … I’m hoping for a 3 week check out time… since I’m not a student anymore I don’t know. ???  College of DuPage has a lot of books !!! I’m guessing more than Benedictine U…. also at Naperville Library… since I’m just about almost there everyday for the internet and printouts (yes it’s 10cents per page to print) so you truly really need to have a print out….   Oh yeah, I was (prentending) that I was in consideration for the job (NPS/Park Ranger) I went to the California DMV website…. To find out what I have to do get a Driving Record…. Also when the time comes I would have send NPS an unopened driving record from both CA and from IL….. yeah, this gov don’t play !!!!   the whole shebang !!!  Ohhhh shit, I thought well, it was nice meeting you !!!  I’m done ….. that was the nail in the coffin of getting a gov job…. Ca I wasn’t “that” bad but, in IL…. Oh shit… I plead the 5^th on my IL driving record…. Well, not for speeding or resisting arrest or robbery, nope,  DUI’s Baby !!!  90% of us had at least one of them…. It’s more common than you think, it’s a Hush-Hush Don’t Bring It Up in family dinners or get togethers… if you don’t already have one…. Most likely you do…. Hey, good on you if you haven’t… but, I would say 99% of us had literally was driving under the influence of alcohol they just didn’t get caught…. This is Fact !!!  so don’t even judge or have any prejudices on the topic… Naperville is the DUI Capitol of the World !!!  Naperville Don’t Play when it comes to do DUI’s…. they don’t care who or what you are….  You will be handcuffed and have your ride towed !!!!  yes, I’ve learned the hard way quite a bit to actually make some changes…. So, I haven’t had any police related drinking driving incidences since 2006… almost 10 yrs now…..  now, Police just for driving between the hours of 11pm to 5am you will most likely get pulled over….. for no real reason, the police are goin fishin….Fishin for some DUI’s….. I remembered this happened to me, wow, back when I had the GMC Sonoma truck, I was driving shit not that late, I would say maybe latest around 10pm/11pm…. I pulled over and stopped at a gas station… the 1^st thing they said, “so, how much have had to drink tonight??”… I was like, what ??? you mean this coffee right here, and I showed him the coffee, you mean this, I raised the coffee cup so he could see… and told him I haven’t had a drink of alcohol the whole day…. Or week… // this was in Wheeling/ somewhere around there in Lake County….  As soon as they knew I was out of the line up of getting arrested for drinking they left with the quickness to fish for others…. Hunh…. Maybe it was a Friday night, that might have been it, driving a small construction looking truck, every Friday all the construction workers drink…. Ahhhh… that might have been it…. They were patrolin by profiling !!  I know it was like, what, I didn’t do anything wrong….. for me to get pulled over… they just assumed that since I was driving a pick up truck after 10pm on a Friday, they were obviously “fishin”….. Friday Night Goin Fishin !!!!  from 10pm-5am  Friday / Sat / Sun…. ok, I don’t know how all this police, DUI’s, Going Fishin all started… it’s done and over with…

It’s 1:43am now… I think I should be getting ready for bed…. Today, I went to be around 1:30am and didn’t get till about 2pm (today) , I know still recuperating from the all nighter… no more all nighters….. not worth it…. Your whole day, sleep, eating, working out schedule is out the window…..Ok, let’s have an Amazing Day Today….. get some heavy ass books, get my bike cages, I might take out all the money out from my account… I have about $200 in the bank and the YMCA will be taking out $185 on the 15^th of the month !!!  and I need that money… whew… I paid the rent already… I totally forgot about that… I thought I had to pay for this month… you know… I don’t want to be struggling at the end of the month… I must make sure I’m able to survive before I pay the YMCA… yeah, for the Personal Training Sessions…. Shit, I don’t know it was going to be this long !!!!   seems like forever…. Oct, Nov, Dec…. I started the personal training in Sept… 12 sessions… 2 x a week… about a month or maybe 2 months… 12 sessions, divided by 2 = 6 weeks… 1 ½ month and I’m still paying for it… hey, it was worth it and I needed it… to get the moving again after I got rid of the HDTV….. ok… much love, Oscar Z signing out….. I hope you enjoyed my words here…. Infinite Love and Gratitude, Oscar !!!  Check out my YouTube Channel !!!  Oscar Zepeda I have mucho videos !!!   so much that I don’t have time to label them… try to match up and numerically place in order… since the #’s is automatically named in order….. you’ll figure it out…. Asta, Oz

December 15, 2015 Tuesday 5:00pm, MMP Naperville, IL

         I think it’s about time for me to copy n paste these words unto my BLOG’s…. I have a few of them…  it’s 5:19pm, I was listening to Genny Sailes… something like that… got some ideas that she said, “to write a book”… she wrote “Write a book I 3 weeks”…. Mmmmmm…. And Hunh…. I was meaning to write but, never really started…..  with this blog, I figure that this is my practice and warm up with my typing and writing skills.  Today is Tuesday… and I’m in the 2^nd week of my 2^nd to the last class…. I wanted to go to the library and get my beard cut… I thought about shaving on Jan 1^st, but, I think it would be to much of a drastic change… for me and every one else… plus I don’t really expose my 2^nd chin…. I remembered a few years back, when I shaved my beard…. I looked like a balloon, just all puffed up with a 3-4 inch double chin…. Haaa… I had it on video too !!!  you can try looking for it on my YouTube Channel “Oscar Zepeda” yesterday, I did 2 classes 1^st was Zumba… I must say, I’m a big fan now…. probably a “in the closet” Zumba Fanatic…. Last Sunday, they had a Zumba, two Zumba Master Trainers…. Oh my ! !! I had the best time, one of the ladies is named Lisa and the other Gloria Tarrer…. She was bad ass !!!! Oh My !!!   I had the best time of my life that Sunday !!!  it went so quick… an hour… then there was a Zumba Instructor Training afterwards, no I did’n’t participate but, mom, she was imagining about it…. A couple of people said that she should become a Zumba instructor…. She loves dancing… me too !!!  I still need to work on the hip and booty motions… kinda like twerking a lil bit…. You have to know or practice shaking and moving your hips and booty…. There was some cuties in the class…. but, I’m there my for health and physical conditioning….. well, yesterday, after the Zumba class there was another class called “Kick Boxing” with Tracey… Ohhhhhh  Myyyyy…. I was literally a zombie after the class, after a ring of sweat on both of my shirts….  That class kicked my ass…. I’m still feeling it today… Today, after I woke up and ate, I took a power nap and got up at around 4pm and decided well let’s stay in tonight…. And then make it a full day tomorrow… do everything tomorrow….  I have to get some $$ (for the beard cut and lining), mail out a letter for the Link Card aka Snap… aka Food Stamps… yes, I said it… you know what, it is what it is… you know, I don’t know why the mass majority of Americans are too proud to receive Food Stamps… it helps big time,,, fyi, just me, I get $160 per month in food $$.... $1920 worth of food in one year.  From now on no more All-Nighters…. Nope, I cannot do it anymore, I’m still paying for it for the All-nighter that I did about a week ago !!!!   and it was mostly on B.S. purely wasting time on the internet… checking out the POF and OKCupid…. Free dating sites… just to browse…. And to dream a lil bit…. I don’t have a profile, I was just curious on “Whose Out There”….  I know I’m not ready for the dating world right now… I’m still under construction, but yes, at times I do feel a bit lonely….  And I do feel like drinking with the ol drinking buddies….  Maybe this summer if I’m still here… I miss playing bags… and DJing at the Lodge…. And the attention of the ladies…. The main priority right now is my class that I’m taking right now, cleaning up my place…. The furnace doesn’t work, I know I could call and have it fixed asap, but, my room is a bit of a mess and I want to take care of the room and apt before the heating people come in and fix it…. I’ll just wait till it gets 20 degrees before I start… no, not that long… this week… I want to take care of that.  Make sure I’m caught up with this weeks assignments… this weekend it will be done…  I’m also taking some proactive actions for the possible job with NPS (National Parks Service)… oh did I mention it was a process and a half ???  In order for me to get the job after being considered, I would need to send NPS my “Whole Life” Driving Record  !!!!  yes, you read that right !!!    Since, I started driving in CA I would need to have the California DMV send them (NPS) an “Unopened” whole life driving record.  The same goes for IL…. Where most of the incidences happened !!!  the first time I saw that, I said, well, this is where I get dropped off from the job….  See, it’s not just whether or not you have a legal driving record now… they want to know “Everything” !!!!  Yikes…. Looking back, every driving incident is not worth it, you will be paying the “incident” for the rest of your life !!!  and this is proof… when I say incident, I mean any type of major violation that includes any type of alcohol, driving under the influence, driving on a suspended DL, driving w/o any insurance or registration… well, we’ll see what happens next… I would only need to send them “My Whole Life Driving Record” when I’m being considered for the position.  The only thing that is going for me is that I didn’t have an “Incident” in 10 yrs !!!  10 yrs being DL clean !!!  That’s some serious time hunh… at the same time, it would’ve been better if I didn’t even get them in the 1^st place….. my journey and my learning curve…. I have to deal with it and to be responsible for my past decisions and choices…. It’s official now… I received an “Confirmation” email stating that my application package has been received by the “Hiring Officials” they will check my military record and history, just to make sure I’m a U.S. Military Veteran…. Oh they don’t play… even it’s for being a Park Ranger for a National Park or Forest… they want to make sure the trees and birds are safe baby !!!  they don’t play !!!   Hey, they gotta do what they gotta do…. 2 weeks till Jan1st. Jan, Feb… Feb 28^th is the last day of my last class to get the BA in Management !!!!   I feel like finally represent my University…. After all these years…. 2010 I could’ve had the BA !!!!!   6 yrs later !!! haaa !!... this is how my hard headed mind learns !!!!   hard way and by time …… hey, it’s all good…. Just make sure I take care of business, this week.. .since I didn’t do shit, Mon and Tues…. see, last Sun, I didn’t go to bed till about 3am… see, that must cease !!!!  NOW !!!!  I cannot work and live my life like that….  I was browsin for the single ladies…. , which I know is a pure waste of time…. Let’s learn in the beginning…. And not in the end… 2^nd to the last class…. this class that I’m taking is done on Jan 15^th 2016 and the next one will start on the same day and ending at Feb 28^th 2016…. Ok. Let’s not give up here, my whole Christmas break will be working on my assignments and with the group project… we have to do some kind of Power Point project….  Jan 1^st I’m going to implement some small new changes…. #1. No more News !!!!!  and #2. No More Smokes..  I’m going to turn it up a couple of notches with my body temple and with my physical fitness… I want to lose weight gradually…. Ya know, because of the “Loose Skin Syndrome”, when you lose too much weight too soon, your skin didn’t have enough time to conform / retract back to your new body weight/form.  Also, to have the stretch marks have time to disappear.  All good !!!  it’s not an over night deal !!!   every 2 months I’m planning on getting weighed… but, you know what ???  Haven’t you noticed that you could do physical misc with better ease… For me, the big one was putting on my “Chonies” Under Armour athletic underwear… I used to wear boxers but, I prefer the Under Armour….  Thank you Lord for Absolutely Everything !!!  I know, I would like to say Thank You ! !!  You know what ??  I’m going to start my book !!!   just as the 1^st draft and then revise …. Yeah, enough of this writing a book talk/write… let’s do this !!!!   Infinite Love and Gratitude, Osca Z….. mucho amor…..

December 17, 2015 Thurs. 2:31pm MMP Naperville, IL

Greetings !!!!   Yes, I know it’s time to upload or copy n paste my words here unto the vast infinite internet !!!   I’m proud of myself, last night I had finally went to the library, for some reason I thought there wasn’t any assignments due by Wednesday, in fact they were, luckily I was there earlier enough for me to do some internet research and complete the two assignments.  Today, I must send out a letter to the food stamp deal.  So I want to leave at around 3:58pm that’s when the train comes and it will take me to the Naperville station and I will ride my bike to the Post Office… to get some stamps and to get some extra stamps for me to mail out other letters aka documents to get my driving record from California and to send out my graduation degree audit, I will have to inform them that I won’t be able to pay until the 1^st Jan… yes, this was the infamous “Degree Audit” that I had refused to pay back in 2010 when technically I had completed the BA Degree in Management program… Yes, mom doesn’t like hearing that !!! I know, after 5-6 yrs later without a BA Degree and you get older and a bit wiser.  I’m on the gov job hunt and you need a BA…  At least a BA…. The game plan, is to continue with the 2^nd to the last class. Jan 15^th 2016 is the last day of the class that I’m taking now.  Then the last class, will start at the same time, Jan 15th and will end Feb 28^th !!!!  Wheww !!! C’mon Now… Almost there !!! let’s do this… I feel good, a little bit sore from my last nights work out.  The last time I worked out with weights was literally 1 month ago !!! Ha…. I laughed… hey, it’s all good !!!!  Oh yeah, I shaved !!!!  I think I look better, at the same time I look pretty chubby with my 2^nd chin that is about 4 inches !!!   I know… that’s why I wanted to shave, to have some visual motivation for me to get to the gym and be more active.  I’m doing good !!!  considering that I was literally sedentary from lets say October, I started the personal training sessions at the end of September with a weight of 394 lbs, I haven’t weighed myself recently, so I don’t exactly how much I weigh right this second.  But, I’m able to put on my socks easier than before, A LOT Easier ! !!!  it would take about 5 min per sock and I would have to wait to catch my breath, because I was straining and stretching because I had a pretty big belly !!!  My belly was in the way…. Plus, my case manage noticed that I lost weight… yeah, she’s going to freak when she sees me next…. Because she has always seen me in a beard and then poof, I shaved !!!   I do look very different…it’s all very good, I’m getting ready for my gov job…. I want to look the best as I can for the job, yeah, I don’t know how they are going to interview me ???  the job is in Nageezi, NM  !!  maybe they want to make sure that I have all of the paperwork in, including the whole life driving record !!!!  See, you never know what or when your past will catch up to you !!!!  I’m praying and hoping that they will also see the 10 years of clean driving…  and hopefully the veterans preference will have some weight.  Right now I must focus on the task at hand… which is the class…. and making sure I eat ! !! yeah, I have a burger or some ground beef on the George Foreman Grill !!!  it’s 80% lean and 20% fat….. wrong choice !!!!  it must be totally 1000% cooked to try to get of the grease and fat.  My 1^st one, I started “Dry Heaving”  I don’t do well with (fat) just writing about this is triggering some gag reflex muscles…. I know I’m pretty sensitive when it comes the aromas of fat, grease, turkey, chicken juice…..  ok, better change  the subject… I’m just grateful right now… that creating a bad ass body doesn’t happen over night… oh, yeah, I must of drank the most water I had in maybe years… I’m pretending that I’m a body builder and body builders carry a gallon of water to the gym !!!   I know you have seen these guys… but, it’s good !!!  usually every set I would take a swig of water…. And last night, I drank about ¾ of a gallon within 2 hours…. I know it’s not safe to drown yourself with water, the key is constant sips, not dying of thirst type gulps.  FYI !!!  I know you knew that, but, it does help you drink more water, than carrying those small 8 oz bottled water.  2 weeks till the new year !!! I know a whole wave of new members are going to be coming to the gym… which is good !!!  I want my brother Sheldon to be a success.  Gym is very very nice, and I’m guessing it must of cost about at least $800,000 the latest everything !!!   maybe even a million ???  Each weight machine costs around $15-$20 Grand !!!!  then they have these top of the line standing tanning capsules…. I’m sure it’s quite a bit, but I’m not into the fake tanning…. I don’t know, it’s just me….  My chest aka pectoral muscles is a bit sore, my chest was very weak… I don’t know when was the last time I worked out my chest… maybe with my personal trainer or some pushups in the kickboxing class… ok, going to check up on the burger…. Brb… ok, I’m back… oh yeah !!!!  I started my book !!!  See !!!!  this is what happens when you get rid of your distractions aka HDTV !!!!   and DVD’s….. I know I’m not here to preach, just to tell you that I’m done “Watching” my life away… which I was doing from Feb 2015 to Oct 3, 2015…… I don’t think I’ll ever forget that date !!!  that’s when I got rid of my HDTV, Surround Sound Speakers and the DVD player !!! the whole shebang….. yeah, I couldn’t have it near me anymore…. The temptation was too great and the costs were too great as well… Like gaining 100+ lbs !!!!  and wasting a ton of time !!!  Hours upon hours !!!   shit, average amount of DVD’s got up to be 25-30 Per Week !!!!!   You go to the library with a big bag and check out 25-30 DVD’s and try to watch everyone of them within 7 days !!!  that was goal because, after 7 days you will paying late fees of $1 per DVD !!!!   I know it’s not that much for one DVD but for 30 !!!!  Haaaa… see, yep, told ya…. Also that would be the only time that I would go outside… I didn’t want to see anybody nor have anyone see me !!!!  because I’ve gained all this weight…..  I know, I was not in the best of mind frames and lifestyle….  Yeah, distractions won’t affect your life !!!  Bull Shit !!!!  hey, all I know is what happened to me…. To tell my story about life with HDTV……ok, food is about ready….. and I’m must before I go……Infinite Love and Gratitude…. Oz… just in case I don’t come back, b/c it’s 3:21pm now… and I want to make sure I get to the Post Office… today…. Much love, Oz

Ok, I’m back…. Mmmmm good, had some hash browns, chicken nuggets and the ground beef….. with water….. I put some Alfredo Sauce on top….. yess… …. I’m going to take the 4:33pm train… which gets me to Naperville at 4:38pm…. Just enough time to make it to the Post Office….. and me, I don’t like to be rushed…. Especially now with a full stomach…  I’m slowly learning to eat small portions but with more quantity…. The eating 5-6 meals type lifestyle… so your body doesn’t have work a lot to digest a huge portion of food… I know it’s all good….. this meal was a smaller meal than previous though… if that helps…. Hey, it’s all good…. Ahhhh tomorrow is Friday !!!!   Sat and Sun…. you know what ???  don’t tell anyone but, I’m kinda diggin this Zumba thang !!!!  especially the one we had last Sunday !!!  oh snap !!!  I had a freakin blast !!!!   Especially with Gloria Tarrer !!!!  OH SNAP !!!!!   girl can shake and dance !!!!   you gotta check her out….. I was a bit sad that she lives in Winsconsin, I would literally travel (beg mom to go with) b/c I don’t have a car to take one of her classes….. You know what ???  I GoPro’d it ! !!!  I think I should up load it tonight !!!   so you could check it out !!!  Man, I had a blast !!!!  ok, must be aware of the time now….  the train….  Honestly, I don’t know what’s going to happen after I get the BA.  If I’m not hired by the NPS by then, I will continue to apply, I mean Massively !!!!  apply to multiple jobs at the same time !!!  not one at time and see what happens… well, this 1^st one is good, it helped me to get all of my documents ready and scanned for pdf, and eventually my driving records….  Which I’m going to do tomorrow… I want to have everything ready, the stamps and the envelopes.  The same with the Graduation Info…. If I’m not hired by May ??  I’ll participate in the graduation ceremony…..  it’s going to get a bit colder tonight and tomorrow… like 30’s and then 20’s….. yikes !!!!  my face isn’t used to it…. Since I shaved !!!!   this weekend, I want my place totally organized !!!!  and clean !!!!  yeah, I’m done living like this…. The furnace/heater isn’t working and I want it fixed… why ??? I have contacted the owner of the apartment ??  my place is a pig sty !!!!   well, everything is everywhere especially now because I was looking for the clippers to shave the majority of the beard….. nope, didn’t find it…. I finally opted to use sizzors !!!!  ouch !!!!   yeah, it was bit painful but, I knew it had to be gone !!!  I wanted to see me again, the real, now, true me !!!!   Yes, see the double chin… and maybe possibly attract a lady…. We’ll see, just a lady that knows what’s happening…. That I’m in school and that I’m trying to get rid of my debt…. Someone who is  financial and economically conscious…. That would rather take care of the debt versus going out to eat ???   etc…. more of a homebody…. Loves to cook healthy meals, loves to take care of me…. Oh snap, I feel one of those internet dating questions, “Who do I want ?”… what kind of person ???  naaaa…  ok, it’s 4:00pm now…. I want to get ready… brush and floss and rinse…. And go to the train station and go to the library…. Ok, this is it for reals…. I’m going to upload the Zumba class that I absolutely loved !!!!   I’ll even name it…. Most Amazing Zumba Class Ever !!!!!  ok, much love, Oscar Z is signing out…… Infinite Love and Gratitude, Oz

December 19, 2015 Saturday 1:10pm, MMP, Naperville, IL

Greetings !!!   yes, I know, I should’ve have copied and paste these words unto the blog already… Well, just an FYI, my 1^st and foremost priority right now is my MGT-262 class, Employee Recruitment the 2^nd of the 3 classes that I have to take for me to get the BA Degree in Management.  I’m thinking during Christmas Break, I could do that.  Now, during this Christmas break, I will not be taking a break.  I want to be ahead with the assignments and to be 100% prepared for the reports, papers and assignments.  All is very well, it’s 2:00pm now, I was listening to “Scoop Neemeth”  Google Him, I was listening to NPR and there was an episode about him.  He has Asburgers and Autism and he’s pursuing his dreams as an a news anchor and sports caster… and a line of ladies fashion swimwear…. I was very inspired…..  and I also ate a double burger with a tomato and a hashbrown…. My, I must say that my chest is definitely recuperating, wow… I’m amazed actually, when I was working out the chest, it was I believe on the 16^th Dec night started at about 10am and almost ended at 12midnight…. Chest and triceps… yeah, almost 2 hours !!!  I took my time, made sure I made a full recovery between sets…. And drank a few sips of water and do my walk around the gym every set… I like to walk around, take a few sips of water and enter the data… like how much lbs I was using, and some other info, like during 2^nd set could only do 8 reps with 30 lbs and continued with 25 lbs to finish up to 15… of 7 reps…. So, yes my chest has a good type of pain…. And I remember the night I was working my chest, I felt so weak, in my chest… that I thought I wasn’t doing anything.. I using 25 lbs… on the chest butterfly’s…. reg bench and then incline….  Just moving my arms, I’m activating the pectorals which causes some discomfort… so, right now, I’m just letting the chest heal…. Until it’s 100% healed and rebuilt…. More muscle… !!!   Even carrying a coffee mug with coffee it hurts… but, the good hurt…. And making sure I’m eating protein !!!  need to help my muscles repair itself ! !!  that’s how you get bigger and stronger muscles… breakdown the muscle fibers, feed the muscles with protein and listen to your body, don’t do any chest / pectorals exercises until it’s fully rebuilt and pain free…. That is your sign to get back at it again.  I can’t believe that I’m going on page 38 now…   Ummm…. Yeah, I’ll try me best to copy n paste unto my blogs… I have a few of them… one of which I thought no one reads but, then I saw the numbers !!!!  41,000 + people have been on my blog… then I said, ok ???   let me continue then !!!   It usually takes about 4 days for you to be 100% healed…  the 1^st night and the day after, my chest wasn’t’ that sore…. It was like the 2-3 days, I said, whoa, I must of worked out fairly well with my chest, to feel the extreme soreness, and every type of movement, triggers the pain of soreness.  I haven’t worked out my chest since ??  YMCA with Brad… I’m gradually getting into shape….  Which is so not like our current culture…. You have to listen to your body when you’re getting into shape, especially coming from an absolute sedentary lifestyle… and the only exercise you’ve been doing for the past year was walking 5 ft to the table where all of the DVD’s are stacked up to put in another DVD and then go back to the couch… those days are done…. I got rid of my HDTV on Oct 3, 2015 and started on a new lifestyle…oh yeah, yesterday was a bit humbling and humiliating (kinda sorta) I shaved !!!!   so the “look” that I used to have is completely different and I look very chubby, got the chubby cheeks and the 5 inch double chin going on…. Hey, it is what it is… just get it overwith… there was a lady, super cool “Married” that works at the gym, I knew she was trying hard not to over laugh… she, slipped a pretty good laugh and then was instantly stopped…  yeah, I know, I look like a fat, chubby little boy… compared to a rich, thick, manly masculine beard….. which I finally shaved…. I thought I had some clippers…. I couldn’t find it… I spent about 20 min going through everything in the apt to try to find it… b/c I didn’t want to use the sizzors, b/c I knew it was going to take a lot longer with a lot more pain.  I had to use the sizzors and about 5 shavers and about 2 hours….. it’s done and it’s over with… there was a kind of a big scene at the Friday’s Zumba class… it’s all good…. I felt like another person was there and so with the other ladies…. Felt like a different man and not the man the ladies were used to… there was one that helped me feel comfortable… she’s cool, she was talking about her husband coming home with his arm filled with tattoos… and how it was an overnight huge change…  trying to ease the 1^st initial shock with everybody…  I’m cool, I’m there for me… for my Body Temple…..