In 4 Days I'll Be 40 !!!!!!!

Well, Now what am I supposed to feel like ???   in 4 Days I'll Be 40 yrs Old !!!!  Wow  !!!!  Never thought about it really, time does go by fairly quick, I don't even care about my age, really !!!  it doesn't matter anymore !!!  Once you know that we live forever, age disappears !!!!   I know that I will forever learn,  grow, evolve, expand upward and outward.  Right now, I'm right in the middle of my transformation aka metamorphosis and right now, I know I'm becoming into another being.

I know what I need to do... Tomorrow is Thanksgiving !!!   I feel obligated to spend time with mom and go to see my brothers family, which I'm excited but, I know I don't want to drink any alcohol nor gorge myself with any of the "Good  Stuff" that society says.... Pumpkin Pie, etc..... I don't know I'm just going through some major shit right now, and my birthday to myself is 4 Years !!!!   I'm going to Serve ME !!!!  for 4 Years..... I know mom will not like it but, it's not up to her, I truly feel that the vibration that I emit and receive and vice versa with her doesn't coincide to whom I want to become  !!!!  just the little things that I'm catching and noticing... Yeah, I don't really want to go just yet, tomorrow, honestly I don't want to go to Bodhi Eat,  I don't know and then go to my brothers...I do miss him and his family very much.....  So, I'm thinking after tomorrow, the starting of my life starts..... I Will Serve ME  for 4 1/2 yrs !!!!!!!   I'm going to pretend that I'm in the service only seeing family only on holidays.... yeah, I know I must Go  !!!  and to be around that Vibration.... Vibration of my mother to me and vice versa with my vibration towards my mother.... it's a 2 Fold Double Whammy.... Yeah, I must go, so,  my Birthday Gift For Myself is to Serve Me for 4 1/2 yrs.... pretend that I'm in the service.   I deactivated my FB pages.... I knew my birthday was coming up and I wanted to play low key right now, don't want a barrage of Happy Birthday Wishes asking me where the hell am I, etc... etc.... I'm done, I'm done wasting time on FB, it is very addicting !!! 

Today I had a test today,  I know that I could've done a lot better.... I knew I did poorly... reason ????   Well, plain and simple, ME !!!  MY Actions and Behavior,

Yes, after tomorrow, I'm Serving Me !!!!   I'm done, I thought about just cancelling out with mom,  but I know I couldn't do that,  especially on Thanks Giving Day !!! so, tomorrow is the exception !!!!   I already know what's going to happen every time I go "visit" mom or crash out over her place.... I know I must need a very lengthy time out / off... .from family.... I'm Going On 40 !!!!  and I must learn to be my own man  !!!!  a Real Man !!!  who makes a decision and sticks to it, keeps it, with power and confidence.... I"m not saying I don't do that now, but, when family is involved you tend to go / lean in their direction, see I wasn't planning on going to my brothers, it was a last second thang, I wanted to go roller skating at 7pm - 10pm, I absolutely love going roller skating, I don't know, I do miss the kids !!!!  a lot !!!!   I just want to Change and Transform My Life  !!!!!!!   I'm done with my pathetic fat self, Change Must and Will Happen !!!!!!!    and it's all me !!!   Yeah, I'm Done - Done !!!!!!!   I don't know if I should just say Fuck It !!!  I must live my life  !!!!!   yeah, after tomorrow !!!!!  Aghgggghhhhhhh !!!!  So tomorrow I'm going to soak everything up and let it marinate !!!!!   so starting Friday !!!!  It's On Mutha Fucka !!!!!   Me Time  !!!!  I'm Serving Me for 4 1/2 yrs !!!!!!   so, let's soak and marinate tomorrow on Thanksgiving Day !!!!!  and then starting Friday !!!!!  I'm Serving Me !!!!!   I'm going to go and be away from friends and family for a long while, no FB,  No Emails,  No fucking cell, nada !!!!!  just me !!! and my education !!!!   I"m going to block and deactivate everything that no longer serves me  !!!!  going to rock n roll outa here  !!!  Infinite Love & Gratitude, !!!  Oz